I'm not sure if this belongs here so I apologize if it doesn't.
So I used to work at Tim Hortons. I apparently didn't learn my lesson the first time and decided to work there again, this time it seemed like it wouldn't suck the joy and my soul from my body. I was wrong.
When I was rehired I got the shift supervisor position and was the main person who would train new employees. mainly due to the manager being amazed by how little training I needed, and how much I knew even though I reminded her several times I previously worked there. And really pouring coffee into a cup isn't too difficult. Soon I had the "unofficial assistant manager" title and my manager was more then happy to dump her responsibilities on me. During COVID she wanted to be at home, her husband was a high risk and honestly I encouraged her to take the option given of not having to work, and be able to come back when things have settled. I stepped into the manager position blind as a bat. And most of my training was trail and error as she never answered my questions. The staff who choose to stay (mainly youngsters and high school kids) mainly because our pay was almost double as we had to pick up shifts of co workers who choose to stay home.
I worked most of the first lockdown with little time off, never did I ask for time off, I even pulled a few double shifts. After the lock down was lifted my manager came back and was quite happy with how everything was handled. And she showed me far easier ways of doing some of the management responsibilities. Everything seemed fine. Until I was in the middle of my shift and a co worker came and said my phone was ringing non stop in my purse in my locker, I kinda brushed it off saying if it's important they will leave a message. Then the stores phone rings, my co worker who answered came and said I needed to take this call. It was my younger brother. He was sobbing saying stuff like "I'm lost." "I'm scared, I didn't know who else to call." I tried to calm him down and talk to me. It turns out he was planning to unalive himself while driving to work but thankfully got scared and didn't go through with it. I asked him were he was and if he was in his truck he told me his location and confirmed he was in his truck still. I told him to throw his keys into the grass and I was leaving work immediately to get to him. I told him that I was going to call the police and see if they could send someone to sit and wait with him until I got there. I said I was about 30 minutes away and if needed I'd stay on the phone with him as well. I went to my manager and said im having a family emergency and i need to leave now and I would get someone to cover my shift for the following day as I wouldn't be coming in as I had to make sure my family was okay.
My manager looked at me and said I couldn't just walk off the floor in the middle of my shift. I apologized and said that this was unexpected but a very important reason. She took me into the office and asked what was soooooo important that I had to take off. I repeated it was a family emergency, she felt it wasn't good enough, at this point I'm panicked, frustrated and snapped that my brother just tried to unalive himself. I have to go NOW. I said I covered for you so you could keep your husband safe now let me go so I can do the same. She looked at me and said the police will deal with him, and right now my priority was my job. I was livid and walked out of her office with her hot on my heels saying I can't leave. I turned and said "Fine, since I can't leave because I'm an employee. I quit consider this my final resignation. I'll drop the uniform off later." She looked smug and said "you can't your wearing the uniform and if you leave I'll list it as stolen and have the amount taken from your paycheque." Alright manager I can't leave and I can't quit because of a uniform? I made direct eye contact with her and started removing my uniform, now unfortunately for me this was the one day I wasn't wearing my normal leggings and tank top underneath but the rules are rules right? Lucky for me I had some boyshorts and a bralette on so it was semi decent. Tossed my work shirt, pants and belt at her. And said "there I'm not wear the uniform anymore. I quit." And sped walked to my car, i was embarrassed as customers did see the interaction, and thankfully rather then reporting me to the police for undecent exposure or something like that they went to the owner of the store and told them the manager made an employee remove her uniform in public in order for her to quit. The owner reached out and I explained the situation and he was disgusted that she acted the way she did. And informed me that he was unaware that she took the lock down off, and that she was punching in and out! Needless to say she was immediately terminated after the owner herself and I sat down later that week to discuss that a family emergency was all that was needed to be said. And she had no right to refuse my request. The owner offered me the manager position with a major pay raise but I declined and recommended a co worker who honestly deserved it.
I was able to get to my brother who said seeing me bail out of my car in my boyshorts and bralette the poor cop whispered "what does your sister do again?" Poor guy offered me his jacket to cover up a bit more. But once I told him and my brother the reason behind my lack of clothing. He told my brother that when he feels there's nothing but darkness, to remember this. He is loved dearly. And that I sat on leather seats with just my undergarments to get to him. And a love like that is worth staying alive for. I'm happy to say my brother has gotten the help he needed and we laugh to this day on how I followed a order from a superior a little too literal.
What is something that is considered “normal” for a man to do, but if a woman does it then they will receive backlash?
I (26F) have been married to my husband (28M) for around 3 years now. I have always known and been fine with him masturbating and am aware that he uses blankets to catch his load. He has a gaming room that he has a specific blanket he uses but also would use another smaller blanket or his own for our bedroom before work or on weekends. We use separate blankets as we have different preferences and it works really well. He has a fleece blanket that he uses and i have a down comforter.
A few months back I noticed crunchy spots as I would readjust my blanket at night and decided I would bring it up while he was in a good mood. I casually said I knew he was using my blanket and asked him to stop. He did for a few weeks but it started back up over time. Currently I take my blanket out of the room with me as I tried moving it onto my side of the bed on the floor but he would go get to to complete his mission. I wake up with our little one a couple hours before he does every weekend (a whole other issue) so he uses that time with my blanket if he gets the opportunity.
The problem is I am very non-confrontational and even bringing it up the first time took some building up to. I cry at the first start of any high emotion (both sad and happy) even with coping mechanisms I have learned along the way and I feel weak because of it. If he has already not listened with me asking nicely how would you recommend asking again? How can I even reprimand that if he doesn't listen?
Anyone have any recommendations for building confidence in uncomfortable conversations?