r/AskReddit Sep 24 '22 Silver 1

what needs to stop being romanticised?

[deleted]

2.0k Upvotes

589

u/calciferrising Sep 24 '22 Silver Helpful

depression. depression doesn't make you deep, it makes you forget to shower for weeks because you can't bring yourself to care, it makes you isolate yourself from your loved ones because you think they deserve better, it makes you fail all your classes because the idea of leaving the house and facing the world is utterly terrifying. it's a horrible, debilitating, emotionally draining mental illness.

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u/wonder_k Sep 25 '22

100% this. Had a bunch of stuff happen in the last year that flared my depression back up into its monster state. Still medicated, able to work from home, so job hasn't been affected (thankfully). Sadly, I think I'm almost at 3 weeks since my last shower. I do maintain hygiene, but my poor hair right now... My mind is just completely numb to it.

People who think depression makes you deep don't realize that the "depth" comes from observing life happening around you while you die a slow, unseen death of being trapped in a hot dark room with no relief. You're literally seeing bits of mundane life that would be paradise and you'd never take for granted again if this horror would just stop.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22

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u/Mention-Novel Sep 25 '22

We're getting close to Japan territory in that matter. If we're getting near a country who has a specific word for death by work something is wrong

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u/Clown_Apocalypse Sep 25 '22

Absolutely true. The “grind” is not a good thing, damnit.

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u/BrilliantPolicy2046 Sep 25 '22

100% every time I talk to my father or grandfather if it's not about work they're not interested.

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u/April_Morning_86 Sep 24 '22

Drug and alcohol addiction.

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u/[deleted] Sep 25 '22

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u/Jumpy_Bumblebee687 Sep 25 '22

Cannot agree more. I have spent the last 30 years in hell. I've been sober for 90 days, still in hell.. Anahedonia is a fucking nightmare.

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u/beardedsandflea Sep 25 '22 Gold

Yo. I'm coming up on three years here in November. Anhedonia is definitely real af. I feel you. Everything seemed so fucking grey, monotonous, and just generally unexciting. For me that fog started to gradually lift right around three months (you're right there), and it started as something so menial: buying a pair of pants. I realized that everything I had was full of holes so I decided to go to a store and get some new leg covers so I'd at least not look like how I felt. And something strange happened: I got a little giddy when I tried them on and they fit right and felt good. I was so taken by surprise that I got this feeling by something so seemingly trivial and mundane. And then I realized that it was genuinely a form and level of excitement I had NEVER felt before because the last time I bought pants sober I must have been 14, and 14 year old boys generally don't give a shit about pants. All of a sudden I was in my early thirties experiencing something (however small) new. It was fascinating and just built up from that point on. It was as though I had seamlessly emotionally picked up from where I left off at 14, having had extreme substance abuse and addiction stunt everything for 18 years. Now I build sport bikes and I'm like a little kid with posters on my wall of all the cool shit that he wants to do/be one day. Everything has an unknown possibility again.

The hard parts still come and go. But the most important thing to realize is that they do in fact GO, even without the booze.

It gets better. I promise.

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u/Jumpy_Bumblebee687 Sep 25 '22

People keep telling me it gets better. I find myself telling people the same thing. I believe you. I've seen it. The first time I decided I wanted something more than detoxing was when I saw other other recovering heroin addicts playing cards. They were laughing smiling and just having a great time with each other. That's what I want and if I have to fake it until I make it so be it. My daughter needs me and I need her my partner needs me and I need her and I need me and I don't know if I've ever thought that before about myself. Thank you! It really is nice when Reddit is something other than a cesspool of nastiness towards strangers.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22

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u/slipperyShoesss Sep 24 '22

that is... ridiculous.

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u/wotoga5823 Sep 24 '22

Cartels.

Seriously Netflix and Hulu, El Chapo is a mass murderer.

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u/ItsANewYearPlayboy Sep 24 '22

But Pablo Escobar donated a bunch to charity! :) /s

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u/Broken-robot7 Sep 24 '22

He also buried over 2000 farmers alive that didn’t pay his “living tax”

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u/ItsANewYearPlayboy Sep 24 '22

Yeah but he donated money to charity so I think he's absolved of any wrongdoing, ever.

Obligatory /s

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u/BigBlockOfCheese69 Sep 24 '22

He was also a terrorist

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u/ItsANewYearPlayboy Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

But he donated so much to charity. Everyone forgets how he donated so much to charity. Forget the murdering, the drugs, the broken families or the people who suffered, he gave so much of his money away so he's clearly a good person /s

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u/BigBlockOfCheese69 Sep 24 '22

Omg. Your so right. I'm going to hang a picture of him on my wall and salute it every morning

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u/ItsANewYearPlayboy Sep 24 '22

Good choice. Don't forget he donated a lot of money to charity.

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u/jak_d_ripr Sep 24 '22

I didn't think Narcos romanticized Escobar at all, I mean he was shown to be a terrorist even within the context of the show.

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u/escape_of_da_keets Sep 24 '22

To be fair, I don't think Narcos: Mexico paints a very flattering picture of him. He comes across as a moron.

For one thing, I appreciated how the show really managed to outline the extent of cartel corruption in Mexican politics and the U.S. Government's willingness to look the other way in favor of politics (to make NAFTA look good, basically).

On the other hand, characters like Rafa were definitely romanticized.

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u/Zealousideal_Ad_7695 Sep 24 '22

Anger issues, it's not hot nor is it cool, it scary seeing someone lose their cool completely and it's especially terrifying when they start inflicting damage on their self to prevent themselves from destroying anything or anyone nearby and people sexualize or romanticize like it's normal it's not I've witnessed it and it's awful.

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u/TwitchTwotch Sep 25 '22

For real! And as someone WITH anger issues, it isnt fun to have, either. It doesnt make me feel like some sexy beast, I just get scared of myself and feel like shit after an outburst. And I always apologize to whoevers around me immediately, I never just expect them to be chill with it especially now that Im aware of and working on it

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u/fencer_327 Sep 24 '22

Sexualizing anger issues and pretending it's "just bdsm" is something I've seen quite a lot, and absolutely hate. If you have anger issues, you shouldn't be dom in any relationship - it's dangerous, and depending on the situation the sub is depending on you to have a clear head. If you can't stop whatever you're doing once you hear the safeword, don't do the thing.

Also, excessive jealousy! I get how it can make people feel loved if they're insecure, but if it leads to physical violence it isn't "cute", it's assault. If you're getting jealous really quickly, talk to your partner and a therapist about it, don't beat up the guy they asked for directions once.

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u/Girly_Sylvia Sep 24 '22

Mental disorders and obsession.

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u/IrishPlunkett Sep 24 '22

Not "needing" 7-8 hours of sleep.

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u/Girly_Sylvia Sep 24 '22

Mfer got the worst insomnia ever and they be thinking it’s cute

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u/Canad1anBacon37 Sep 24 '22

There is a very very small group of people who function extremely well on small amounts of sleep daily (2-4 hours) but that’s a rare difference in body chemistry.

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u/jew_biscuits Sep 24 '22

Do people really romanticize that? My brother has schizophrenia and it's horrible, ruined his life forever and fucked all of us up too. Absolutely nothing romantic about it, if I could pick any illness for myself that would be the last one I'd take. Remember watching him standing in the middle of a room, his head tilted like he was receiving some kind of transmission. Walk by an hour later and he's still there. Been homeless too. PLs don't romanticize that shit.

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u/-Handsome-Jim- Sep 24 '22

Do people really romanticize that?

I wouldn't use the word "romanticize" but would say it's trendy.

These days OCD or bipolar disorder are just a way of describing someone who likes their house neat or can be moody.

It would sound insane if someone told you they had cancer then proceed to explain they haven't actually been diagnosed with cancer by a doctor but that happens every day with mental health issues.

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u/Digi-tal-36 Sep 24 '22

These days OCD or bipolar disorder are just a way of describing someone who likes their house neat or can be moody.

Or how ADHD is apparently just "crackhead energy". It's fucking annoying

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u/InconsistentAuthorr Sep 24 '22

As someone with adhd, I didn’t get any of the “crackhead energy”. I’m mostly just fatigued constantly and the way that my brain works forces me into a cycle of procrastinating and hating myself for procrastinating and then doing everything all at once. I was severely depressed before I started taking medication. People just don’t get it at all.

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u/JustABitCrzy Sep 24 '22

Quiet-types unite! Together we will half accomplish several things that were unrelated to our original goal!

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u/sevenXsix4kix Sep 24 '22

Together we will half accomplish several things that were unrelated to our original goal!

My apartment has never been cleaner than weeks when a term paper was due.

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u/stiletto929 Sep 25 '22

I wrote a short story when I should have been studying for my first year of law school finals.

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u/7xx7rigormortis7xx7 Sep 24 '22

Honestly, go search TikTok for a bit. There’s a ton of videos outlining “symptoms” of mental illness and lots of people armchair diagnosing themselves because of it. It’s almost like the “in” thing to be mentally ill. And it’s sad.

/mentally I’ll

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u/CountessCraft Sep 24 '22

There are quite a few people on TikTok and YouTube who post regular videos of their "amusing" mental illness.

"I Fall Asleep in Class Every Day, hehe!!" "Pretty Girl With Touretts Keeps Swearing at Passers By!!" "The Stupid Things My ADHD Makes Me Do!!!"

One lady used to post as each of her multiple personalities. One is slutty, one is a little girl, one is a pot head, one sings all the time...I am sure you get the idea. She has vanished now, I don't know if she was taken down or choose to do so herself. But people were starting to get angry with her as her alternative selves were saying very inflammatry things... which she would then claim were not her opinions and she was shocked etc.

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u/re_nonsequiturs Sep 24 '22

You'd think after the first time, she'd make it so she had to put in a password every time she posted.

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u/Girly_Sylvia Sep 24 '22

Yeah, it’s really fucked that it happens. If you go read stuff on watt pad(quotev or whatever) you’ll quickly realize how much disorders are romanticized.

I may not be schizophrenic, but I have some rather uncommon(and severe) OCD. I wouldn’t want that to get romanticized either. But rather that than schizophrenia, that’s just sickening!

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u/jacksnsticks05 Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

Totally agree with this.

This romanticism or “normalization” for lack of a better word at the moment, with Generalized Anxiety Disorder or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder needs to stop.

Being appropriately nervous about a fearsome event or, worse, being a difficult person in anticipation of it is not Anxiety, and the latter is not justified by it.

Double checking things and being difficult is not justified when you don’t actually have OCD.

Having bad coping skills when you are faced with a nerve wracking situation or a situation requiring your diligence is not anxiety or OCD

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u/Brewnonono Sep 24 '22

Are you lost, baby girl?

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u/notquiteadequit Sep 24 '22

😂 365 Days was the first thing that came to my mind too.

Don’t know how it was ever made.

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u/xorov78906 Sep 24 '22

Wine moms. It's this weirdly commercialized version of alcoholism.

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u/gimmeraspberries Sep 24 '22

I have a wine mom. not the cute kind with the live laugh love shit. all these poor children are gonna get so fucked up :(

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u/slipperyShoesss Sep 24 '22

me too. Face looks like a cross between a leather handbag and a raisin after all these years.

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u/galacticviolet Sep 24 '22

I haaaate it, as soon as I became a mom I started getting ads for mom things (oh algorithms… please leave me alone lol) and among them were alcoholic graphic tees like “Mama needs some wine!!” or “Margarita time!!” bleh

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u/DeadtoothNibbles Sep 24 '22

I think it's spelled "mom-arita"

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u/cpqarray Sep 24 '22

Violence it's never quite the same in real life as it is in movies.

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u/Azazael Sep 24 '22

Head injuries. In the movies someone can be knocked unconscious, stay out for 60 minutes (not played out in real time of course), then come to and get on with chasing the bad guy.

In real life if you're unconscious for 20 minutes after a head injury, you're at major risk of bad shit. 48 hours in hospital if you have no other symptoms. And you're not going to be leaping to your feet and running off when you come to, you'll be confused, dizzy and likely vomiting.

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u/Raised_bi_Wolves Sep 24 '22

That's how Bob Saget died isn't it? Fell and hit his head. Then just tried to sleep it off :(

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u/Active-Coconut-4541 Sep 25 '22

One of my ex husbands best friends passed away literally just last night due to a head injury like this. I don’t know all of the details yet. Just that he hit his head somehow, fell asleep, and didn’t wake up.

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u/IdiotThatReads Sep 24 '22

Yeah I had a head injury 3 years ago and I still have serious after affects, it caused all sorts of health problems, I can't even go to school

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u/Jidaque Sep 24 '22

I'm sorry. Hope the time will make it at least a little bit better / more bearable

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u/IdiotThatReads Sep 24 '22

Thank you!! It's definitely better than it was at first but still kinda bad <333

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u/jew_biscuits Sep 24 '22

Yup, got several concussions from boxing and other shit. Fucked me up for weeks and months. Like I could do stuff but everything was harder. Not just mentally but physically.

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u/Top-Royal6249 Sep 24 '22

Agreed. It's crazy that people think getting into a fight at a bar is no big deal. You can literally kill somebody with a punch if they happen to fall the wrong way. I see no point in risking it just because some dude called me a name or something.

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u/TheWalkingDead91 Sep 24 '22

Especially here in the states where anyone can be armed. This one guy got killed in front of his wife and kid because he decided to push some fuckin nosy Ken who was verbally heckling his wife about a handicapped parking spot. The guy claimed self defense even if the dude who pushed was backing away the moment he saw him pull out the gun. He was eventually arrested, but his kid and wife are probably now traumatized and nothing will bring his kids’ father back.

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u/The8thloser Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

Two guys got in a fight outside a bar in my town. One of them fell onto a curb after being punched in the face. He fell and hit his head on a curb, he died.

The fight was kver one guy cutting in front of the other guy's gf in line at the bar.

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u/seleneahs Sep 24 '22

My brother's girlfriend had a violent ex husband and it was awful for her. It was even worse for the wife he had before her. He nearly killed his first wife and beat her to the point she miscarried. It's awful seeing it romanticized.

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u/Brewnonono Sep 24 '22

Growing up, when two kids would fight in school, everyone else would gather around and shout “fight! fight! fight!”

I felt like I was the only one who hated it.

The second hand embarrassment I felt for the participants was suffocating.

Just cringeworthy stuff.

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u/PhreedomPhighter Sep 24 '22

When movies depict it realistically there's nothing cool about it. It's genuinely difficult to watch. Like the scene in Killing Them Softly when the 2 guys beat the shit out of Ray Liotta.

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u/skankermd Sep 24 '22

First episode of old man with Jeff Bridges… a grueling fight to the death happens and it’s quite uncomfortable to watch a realistic and prolonged portrayal of two people struggling to kill the other.

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u/jcutta Sep 24 '22

That shit was fantasticly choreographed and filmed.

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u/wotoga5823 Sep 24 '22 Silver All-Seeing Upvote

Bonnie and Clyde. Those fuckers killed my great grandfather as he was running a cash bag to the bank. My great grandmother had died earlier in the year in Minnesota. They had to wait for the ground to thaw and buried them together. My grandfather was orphaned because of them and people make movies and tell stories like they are something to be admired. Fuck them

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u/GhoulishlyGrim Sep 24 '22

People get so caught up in the excitement of the story that they forget that these were real people who murdered others. They were good for nothing criminals who should have been forgotten long ago. If they had done their crimes today, they would be seen as cringe.

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u/SpaceGeneralAmerica Sep 24 '22

This highlights how recent these two were, and how fast the romanticism took hold. People love to get swept up in a story, especially when it’s got danger and romance like Bonnie and Clyde. Never mind they were, as you said, ruthless killers, Bonnie and Clyde were in love and desperate needed money!

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u/chairpilot Sep 24 '22

You might enjoy the movie, The Highwaymen. It revolves around them but paints them in an appropriate light even as it shows people celebrating them.

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u/Jammasterjr Sep 24 '22

Agree. I lay the romantization of Bonnie and Clyde (and others like them) squarely at the feet of the press. Bonnie was not beautiful (average at best) and there was nothing even remotely romantic or admirable about them. Two bored sociopaths chasing thrills. Live by the sword and die by the sword. They got what was coming to them, just not soon enough.

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u/Tyrannosaur_Soup Sep 24 '22

Wow, history's coming alive...

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u/MrSocPsych Sep 24 '22

Well, actually…..no

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u/honeypup Sep 24 '22

That would bother me too.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22

They died like dogs if it makes you feel any better. And moviemakers make a lot of money from crime movies. It doesn't mean they automatically admire criminals.

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u/pierremanslappy Sep 24 '22

Plenty of people admire them and literal romanticize them and their death. They’re portrayed sympathetically and people don’t stop to think of the murders they committed

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u/Jidaque Sep 24 '22

But the songs pretty much romanticise the two. People say that they want to be in love with someone like Bonnie and Clyde...

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u/Nationals Sep 24 '22

Autism. It is not something that makes you some math wiz or a doctor. There a a ton of intellectually disabled people on the spectrum that won’t ever be able to live on their own.

There are some of course who can, but before people act like all autistics just to be neurological acceptance to thrive is not reality.

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u/Uearie Sep 25 '22

And as a result, it downplays the struggles that even more functioning autistic people have. Like yeah, there’s recent trend to be optimistic of diagnoses, (which I support,) but that doesn’t mean people with these diagnoses don’t struggle with themselves. The whole ‘autism is my superpower’ stuff just seems like toxic positivity to me.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22 Helpful

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u/Iwannabeabluephoenix Sep 25 '22 Helpful

There needs to be more movies and series with Aromantic characters tbh, the romance and relationships usually mess up storylines especially when they suddenly become the main focus. I don’t want to hear about the characters relationships, I wanna see more of the Dinosaurs 🦖

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u/anotherrmusician Sep 25 '22

my roommate and i are rewatching the Harry Potter movies and i can't agree harder!! Harry's love interests are so forced and have no chemistry with each other. Ron and Hermione is fine, pushing it, but it's fine. but Harry and Ginny? Ginny is probably one of the worst characters in the entire franchise and them getting together literally makes zero sense. Harry doesn't need to be ina relationship at all!! if anything, he had the most chemistry with Looney Luna Lovegood, i could get behind that!

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u/HisakoDickerson Sep 24 '22

Overworking.

The people at my job seem to make it a contest of who sacrifices more for their job. Who works the most overtime? Who does things off the clock for work more? Etc

It's bullshit. I have a life and a family I want to prioritize.

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u/SakaYeen6 Sep 24 '22

I've been told by those types, that if I work myself to death now, I won't have to when I'm 60. Meanwhile, these people telling me that ARE in their 60s and their body is falling apart while they brag about how hurt they are. Yeah let me just trade 50 years so I can enjoy the last 20 in excruciating pain. Fucking madness.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22

In japan work is a contest, and vacations are seen as for losers. It’s crazy.

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u/NoxWillow Sep 24 '22

Fully agree. At my old company, there was always air of, “I’m the busiest because I was here until 7:30pm” or “I had to work on the weekend.” Great, your kids were probably thrilled that once again you weren’t home for dinner.

Hustle culture is toxic and nobody should feel bad about prioritizing their health, wellbeing and personal life just to fit in at a company/in society.

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u/j346fk Sep 24 '22

The real winners are the ones who don’t allow their job to interfere with their family life, health and personal life

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u/NightDreamer73 Sep 24 '22

I especially hate it when they expect you to not take breaks because they don't. Like fuck off, I'm taking my break because I'm ready to have a mental breakdown

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u/xorov78906 Sep 24 '22

Gangsters. This applies to both romanticization of prohibition era gangsters in movies and to the romanticization of gangsters in rap music. With that being said, the god father series is still a masterpiece.

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u/slipperyShoesss Sep 24 '22

Anyone else remember the Scoopy-Doo episode where they are chasing the ghost of Al Capone?"Blah, see...BLAH!"

Edit: hahahaha https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVWFyzxMzSs

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u/SpaceGeneralAmerica Sep 24 '22

The Godfather’s romanticism is heavily cut by the violence involved in the Mafia. Don Vito loses his son in the conflicts, and his other goes down the path of self-destruction.

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u/Average_Other Sep 24 '22

‘Bad’ boys/girls

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u/greytoshi Sep 24 '22

This!! It sends the worst message about what a healthy relationship/interaction with another human being should be. Ain't nobody got time to "change" them! FTS!

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u/Pure_Statistician919 Sep 25 '22

Was about to say this, it boils my blood every time i watch a rom-com and they sell the “bad boy” story to women. He is an asshole, but he is attractive so who gives a fuck, also “i will change him” crap. That never goes well in real life.

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u/xorov78906 Sep 24 '22 Heartwarming

Surprise proposals. Two people should be on the same page about where a relationship is going and the person proposing shouldn’t be nervous about getting a “yes” from their partner.

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u/Swing_On_A_Spiral Sep 24 '22

I read something on here that actually made a lot of sense. The proposal should NOT be the surprise, only the WAY you propose.

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u/dean15892 Sep 24 '22

That’s a great perspective to look at it

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u/alabardios Sep 25 '22

This is how it was for me! I had no idea when or how, just that it was coming. It was fully discussed before hand that we were ready, what each of us wanted out of the relationship, how many kids, life goals, etc. It happened at the celebration of lights festival in Vancouver BC, it's a night I'll remember forever.

Almost 9yrs and going strong!

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u/velveteentuzhi Sep 24 '22

My SIL knew my brother was going to propose to her, she just didn't know where/when since he had planned a couple different trips for them together around the same time. They had discussed getting married for a while, taken ring measurements together, so she knew he was planning to propose, just not the circumstances.

Funnily, even though he knew she was going to say yes, my brother was super nervous about proposing. It's the most nervous I've ever seen him- he nearly dropped the ring box when he was getting down to kneel, his hands were shaking so badly. Was really cute to see tbh.

Tldr- I think a little surprise is still a bit fun, but the couple should have discussed extensively their plans, whether they're ready to be married, etc beforehand.

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u/PatysRozrabiaka Sep 24 '22

If you are not sure the answer is going to be "yes" then maybe you shouldn't propose. That the rule i follow

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u/TCBloo Sep 24 '22

I was sure that I'd be getting a yes when I proposed to my wife, but I was still nervous.

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u/Purple_Flavored Sep 24 '22

How often are you proposing?

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u/Frog-Champ Sep 24 '22

People give me the funniest look when I tell them that I sent my then-boyfriend-now-husband pictures of engagement rings I liked while we were just dating. We had talked, we knew we wanted to get married eventually, so I helped him out and showed him what styles I liked. People seemed to get the idea that I was rushing the relationship or pressuring him by talking about marriage and rings before we were engaged. I knew he wanted to propose, and he knew I'd say yes. Being on the same page didn't ruin the moment at all when the proposal finally came. It was a wonderful and welcome surprise, I got a ring I liked, he had confidence because he knew I wanted to marry him. I can't imagine it happening any other way tbh. A surprise proposal is fine, and unexpected one is not good.

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u/GenesisNoelle Sep 24 '22

The proposals in front of family, friends, people trying to enjoy their restaurant eats. Just seems like a yes is being forced out of the person being asked. Like, they won't say no if everyone is pressuring them to give a Hallmark moment yes.

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u/pemik99351 Sep 24 '22

Practically being a slave to your SO. One person shouldn’t have to do every little thing just for the satisfaction of their partner

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u/TheTactician00 Sep 24 '22

Relationships should be give AND take. It is not easy for 2 people to share such a bond, and any bit to support each other in that way is building the bond up and bring the 2 closer.

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u/Motor_Classic9651 Sep 24 '22

High school - shows like euphoria are crap - quit fetishizing high school life, it wasn't anything like that for anyone.

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u/Zen-Paladin Sep 25 '22

Shouldn't be the best part of your life in any case.

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u/jdrp-00 Sep 24 '22

Mental disorders, from temporary to lifetime issues, none need it

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22

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u/skeletonstaplers1 Sep 24 '22

where do you see this romanticized the most?

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u/Inevitable_Bit_8362 Sep 24 '22

I’m guessing Joker & Harley Quinn

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u/AWEDZ5 Sep 24 '22

The after series movies! So particularly bad for the younger crowd that watches that!

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u/Eli_JMI Sep 24 '22

Wattpad & netflix romantic movies

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u/CuteSecurity Sep 24 '22

Twilight and all the fan fiction that so many got hooked on that glorified the same stuff. Ultra rich controlling guy with a meek virginal girl. It’s awful and still rampant in a lot of those mommy porn books Edit word

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u/Brewnonono Sep 24 '22

Yep, there were literally tens of thousands of dominant, rich, entitled douchward and saintly virgin Bella stories written and consumed by tweens and teens and 20-something’s and…older…

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u/NoodlesrTuff1256 Sep 24 '22

It goes back further than that with 'romance' novels such as the 'bodice ripper' subgenre that became a trend back in the 70s with titles such as 'Sweet Savage Love' et al. These books were marketed to adult women and the 'hero' of all these books were mash-ups of Mr. Rochester, Heathcliff, Max De Winter and Rhett Butler.

As a teenager, Princess Diana read a lot of this kind of stuff particularly ones written by her step-grandmother Barbara Cartland. Such nonsense gave her a highly romanticized idea of what love, courtship and marriage were going to be like and when things played out quite differently in her actual marriage to then-Prince Charles, the disillusionment had to have affected her.

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u/JustARei93 Sep 24 '22

Joker and Harley Quinn. Teen girls especially romanticize it from what I understand.

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u/sunburnt_roadkill Sep 24 '22

The Mafia.

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u/DiscountJoJo Sep 24 '22

I cooka da pizza

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u/JomoGaming2 Sep 25 '22

"Ey, Fat Susan! No pizza for Fat Joey tonight, capiche?"

"Stop calling me Fat Susan!"

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u/Glorious_Stroheim Sep 24 '22

War . Nothing romanticising about dying in some 3rd world countrys while your organs lie In front of you and you cry for your Mother

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u/Aromatic_Rain2894 Sep 24 '22

Doesn’t even have to be 3rd world countries

WW1 or WW2 gets a new blockbuster movie every few years. Those were no better. Millions of people died. It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t anything but awful.

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u/mynameisenigomontoy Sep 24 '22

Slaughterhouse five is a great book that does the opposite of romanticize war. The whole book is kinda about the lack of intelligent things to say about it.

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u/Lavender_goose16 Sep 24 '22

Eating disorders.

I’m so tired of people romanticizing an illness that has quite literally destroyed my body and so many other peoples life’s. There’s nothing cool or quirky or funny about eating disorders. The reality is dark and lonely and physically and emotionally painful. If anyone reading this is dealing with this right now, I see you and I hope you can get the proper help to get better and recover♥️

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u/glitterandgore Sep 24 '22

No one mentions having a heart attack in your 20s, awful breath/teeth, shitting yourself, losing your hair, no sex drive, etc. Granted different EDs have different consequences but all of them are pretty grim and not at all Hollywood friendly.

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u/muddymcmud Sep 24 '22

yes^

im in recovery and doing the best i have in years mentally. then there’s people bragging how underweight they are and that they never eat. it’s really hard to learn to not think constantly about food when you’re surrounded by people who talk about it way to much.

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u/Short-Assistance-321 Sep 25 '22

I totally agree! Bulimia gave me "meth mouth", my digestive issues are insane (my body only wants to vomit), my bones suck.... I just got dentures at 40 because of it. There is no good from this, just bad that follows you a lifetime. I started at 15....

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22

Serial killers. Good looking actors are being casted as serial killers which is making people romanticize them and/or pity them, which is wrong

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u/Logical-Wasabi7402 Sep 24 '22

The romanticizing is wrong, but some of the most well known serial killers(Ted Bundy) were not only conventionally attractive but incredibly charming as well. It's how they get away with it so long.

Not because they're good at hiding it(though that plays a part), but because nobody suspects the good looking person in cubicle 3 who can charm a customer into giving away the shirt on his back.

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u/Laura9624 Sep 24 '22

Yes, it's a warning.

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u/sketchysketchist Sep 24 '22

It would be nice if we had a proper horror movie where the killer is suave, sexy, and tempting. And all his potential victims are clueless because “why would someone attract harm me”?

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u/Top-Royal6249 Sep 24 '22

From what I've seen, they cast actors who actually look like those killers. Yeah Zack Efron played Ted Bundy and is super attractive, however Ted Bundy was, too, so it fits. I don't see them casting Zack Efron or Chris Hemsworth as someone like John Wayne Gacy, for example.

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u/NoUsername817226 Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 25 '22

Ross Lynch being cast as Jeffery Dahmer, in my opinion, was a good move too. I don’t think those producers were trying to romanticize serial killers, just tell their story.

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u/SnickerdoodleShelob Sep 24 '22

Evan Peters did a great job as Dahmer too

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u/wotoga5823 Sep 24 '22

The idea that it's okay to steal someone's romantic partner in a grand gesture and it's okay because you love them more then their partner does.

Every freaking Rom com does this and I hate it but audiences eat that shit up. Complete with huge scene of some dude or lady interrupting a major moment in the couples life like their wedding or announcing their engagement to declare they love the person and have since they were teens but never had the guts to say it. So would you insert cliche rom com character name here please leave this person you are already committed to and come take a chance on me a person you've never dated and don't romantically know. I always root for the alleged "bitch" bride to be or groom when they punch the asshole who interrupted the wedding in the face for doing that. Good. If you have feelings for a person you should have told them years ago and tried working it out not waiting for years to pass then jumping in when they are with another person now.

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u/sketchysketchist Sep 24 '22

My least favorite part when Person A loves person B, but person B is with Person C, however person C is a terrible partner and is probably banging persons D-Z and no one understand why person B is putting up with them unless money is involved.

It’s why I enjoyed how Antman showed the new husband is a great and loving person and even Kinda buddies with the ex rather than an enemy. And divorce doesn’t have to create a toxic family environment. We need more of that. Remind people they need to move on.

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u/Elapachemex970 Sep 24 '22

Serial killers

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u/CoolWhippyy Sep 24 '22

E-girls that dress and act like little girls. It’s weird asf.

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u/PsychologicalKey8346 Sep 24 '22

They know what they’re doing because unfortunately that’s what the crowd base of that content prefers

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u/polywha Sep 24 '22

Harley Quinn and The Joker's relationship

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u/jessek Sep 24 '22

People need to realize the pop culture relationship model you should strive for is Morticia and Gomez Addams. Two people who love each other very much and care greatly for their family.

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u/painttube_bubblegum Sep 24 '22

Also Bob and Linda from Bob's Burgers. Those two have never stopped loving each other or their kids in the 13 seasons that show has been running and it hasn't affected the quality of the show either. Yeah, they've all fought before, but all of their fights have been resolved in a healthy way at the end of the episode. The only time you could say someone in the show truly stopped loving the family was when Louise was pissed that they melted Kuchi Kopi, but she still ended up forgiving them at the end of the episode

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u/black_rainbow___ Sep 24 '22

Abusive relationshiop definetely, like he/she is not a complicated person, they are just fucking manipulative bitches. oha

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u/SamCarter_SGC Sep 24 '22

Surviving a debilitating illness. The notion that people who didn't survive didn't have enough willpower is disgusting.

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u/throwthataway2723 Sep 24 '22

Japan. The country is not as great as so many redditors think it is

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u/TomoTactics Sep 24 '22

BuT tHeY'rE sO pOlItE! they say despite the fact it's a facade because society deems it necessary to not even bring up actual problems and praise their bosses without fail.

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u/mojojojo_dumpsite Sep 24 '22

Children having to experience the struggles of their parents or the older generation so they can be "strong" and fitting to their demands of a better life.

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u/i-hate-all-ads Sep 24 '22

Romance itself, it's gotten so bad that people have become convinced that if their not with someone, they're incomplete.

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u/atuan Sep 24 '22

And if they are with someone and the spark is gone, they shouldn’t “settle.” Its life, it’s boring some times.

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u/Mietinusein Sep 24 '22

Cheating. Every movie and tv-shows overly romantizes them and makes it seem like cheating is not bad and never shows just how traumatizing it's for the person who is being cheated on.

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u/pm_me_some_kitties2 Sep 24 '22

Can confirm, was cheated on and my ex-wife left for another guy. 4 years later and I still don't even consider the idea of another relationship

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u/Supersaiajinblue Sep 24 '22

Psychopaths/sociopaths. In movies they're always handsome and have a great personality. In reality, they will manipulate you and everyone else for their own pleasure. And possibly rob and murder you.

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u/NOTDevilDeadly Sep 24 '22

Being a dick and cheating

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u/I_Like_Thanksgiving Sep 24 '22

Suicide in the entertainment industries.

I didn’t realize how romanticized it actually is until 13 Reasons Why first came out. That bathtub scene was shocking, and I was like 24 when it premiered. I can’t imagine the effect it had on teens

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

[deleted]

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u/estresado_a Sep 24 '22

13 reasons why is horrible for suicide awareness for another reason i don't see mentioned as much. In the show, Hannah dies, but the people who wronged her still get these tapes and regret their choices. It plays into a pretty common suicide fantasy that if you kill yourself the people around you will finally realize how bad they were to you. What they fail to drive through in the show is that once you commit suicide, you wont be there to witness that supposed regret

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u/CryptidGrimnoir Sep 24 '22

Didn't that show handle the situation in the exact opposite way the experts told them to?

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22

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u/cgcs20 Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

The past, any era. I’m so tired of hearing “how much better things were back then” or the classic “I was born in the wrong generation.” Just live in the present moment, for crying out loud! Every era has its good and bad, the bad things are just forgotten about easier

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u/cominguproses5678 Sep 24 '22

Whenever I read or watch historical fiction, I wonder to myself, “but what did it smell like?” The answer is always gross.

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u/Competitive_Ninja839 Sep 24 '22

Autism. It's not a superpower, I just wash my hands a lot and really like cartoons.

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u/Orikrin1998 Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

Scottish Gaelic. We think it's the language that was spoken in Scotland before English speakers invaded the Celtic territories because romanticists in the 17th and 18th centuries loved and popularised the Celtic/Gaelic cultures, turning it into the “traditional Scottish culture”.

It's not wrong, but it's incomplete. Between the 15th and the 19th century, the main language in use in Scotland was Scots, a language derived from Middle English that has nothing to do with Gaelic or Celts. The Gaelic culture/language in Scotland was already being wiped out under James VI and I.

Even to this day, there are 30 times more speakers of Scots in Scotland than there are speakers of Scottish Gaelic. Most people think it's the opposite, if they know about Scots at all (some who do think it's the same as Scottish Gaelic anyway). It's a whole language that was practically erased from popular culture due to romanticism, because omg Celts are so peculiar, they got kilts and pipes and a language that we can't read.

Here's for my linguistic 2 cents lol.

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u/TomoTactics Sep 24 '22

I actually enjoyed the history lesson here, thank you! Unfortunately, as a US citizen and around them a lot, there's people that will go 'what's the difference' and act like the details are just someone being picky with things like this because we rely far too much on the trendy version. Though I imagine it's like that outside in the wider world as well.

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u/TunaNoodleCasserole1 Sep 24 '22

Marriage. People think they need a perfect person who is exactly what they are looking for. You need a person you really like being around, who you respect and is kind. After that, it’s putting in effort every day and honoring your commitment.

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u/commandoash Sep 24 '22

Having kids when you are 20 and not financially stable

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u/FluffusMaximus Sep 24 '22

War. We are back to the trend where football is compared to war and the players are glorious soldiers. It’s disgusting.

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u/Lumis_umbra Sep 25 '22

Women finding a damaged man and fixing him. That's what therapy is for. You're setting up thousands of women to believe that they are more qualified than a doctor to fix legitimate (IE: Not self-diagnosed after experiencing a minor inconvenience) Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. You are setting up thousands of men to believe that said women actually can help them.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22

Toxic relationships

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u/snkonic Sep 24 '22

Fictional abusive men

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u/criemoon Sep 24 '22

Abuse in general

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u/ExieBilliot Sep 24 '22

My roommate often works very late and at first I sympathized with her, but soon realized she seems to love the drama of being exhausted, hating her boss, thinking the office needs her, etc. Recently she’s been staying until midnight or later and returning to work by 7am. The whole office is very busy and meeting a deadline, but she came home incensed the other night because a coworker refused to stay past 7. The coworker is a woman who just had a new baby a few weeks ago, was exhausted and hasn’t seen her baby in awhile. Roommate had zero sympathy for her and was extremely angry that the coworker left work so “early”. What the heck, roommate? She makes a six-figure income though, so maybe that money is worth it to her.

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u/DoctorWhatTheFruck Sep 24 '22

depression, ADHD, being LGBTQ (people who only act like they are, but aren't part of it), not brushing teeth/ cleaning yourself, burning yourself out for aesthetics,

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u/DiceGoblin_Muncher Sep 24 '22

As someone genuinely diagnosed with depression and adhd and a bi guy it pisses me to seem them romanticized. I also hated self diagnoses

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u/jessek Sep 24 '22

ADHD seen as a quirky Meyers-Briggs personality type and not the debilitating mental trait that one has to work extra hard to deal with their whole lives is so annoying.

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u/BeginningDoughnut549 Sep 24 '22

Yeah. You mention ADHD and people are like “OMG me too, I’m so ADHD hahaha my brain is just all over the place!!!” or “you don’t have ADHD, you’re so quiet and focused.” It sucks. It’s like living underwater while being asleep sometimes. It makes life really fuckin hard. Absolutely exhausting and demoralizing.

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u/pemik99351 Sep 24 '22

hear me out but: star-crossed relationships.

we always read books and watch movies of people who are made for each other but due to extenuating circumstances are unable to be together. usually in those cases they tend to use this divide as catalyst for really strong, almost obsessive feelings even though remaining together would cause you pain. then they either get together or one/both of them die.

i was in my own “star-crossed romance” where i was of low birth and really didn’t have anything to my name, and i was seeing someone who was foreign and in their own home country had titles, money and political power due to the family they were born into. we both wanted each other badly but we basically lived in two completely different worlds beyond our college and both sides of the family would hate the other.

we tried to make it work, and we dealt with a lot of shit. i always had this fantasy in my mind that we were these two lovers against the world and we would fight to make things work in the end; “love can conquer all” kinda thing. but we remained pretty secret about it (gotta love a secret romance) and all the sneaking around and being so obsessively down-low began to get to us. we argued a lot, and we began to drift further and further apart until there wasn’t really anything left the sex. we began to resent each other, and after so many lies to cover our tracks and excuses we finally had enough and ended things. i always blamed myself afterwards, that if i was born of higher rank or in the country they’re from that maybe things would’ve worked out and we would be together. i was the one who messed it up, and i was the one who was of no substantial value and i didn’t deserve him. it wasn’t until much later that i realized that it wasn’t myself, and just stuff that was beyond my control. but it still hurts even if i acknowledge it.

i’m not saying that star-crossed lovers can’t ever work out. but when there are a lot of barriers that you and your partner have to deal with you are gonna be dealing with a LOT of shit, and that can wear you down after some time. you’ll have to accept things that you don’t want, have to deal with comments and insults, possibly risk disownment, etc and even though you may love this person a lot, it’s maybe asking too much of them or of you. love requires sacrifice, but the one thing that you should never sacrifice is tour peace of mind and happiness.

star-crossed romances are indeed beautiful and passionate, but it doesn’t always end with you two defying the odds and riding off into the sunset and the wounds they can leave can stay with you.

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u/Taco_ivore Sep 24 '22

Jealousy. It’s not romantic, I wear what I want not for other men, and I’m not dropping my friends for a guy I’m dating. It’s frustrating that some people are so insecure and they want to control the people they date.

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u/That0ne0therPerson Sep 24 '22

Mental illness & abuse

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u/explorer-hanso Sep 24 '22

Poverty

I hate when they romanticized it.

Also when they put slogans that being rich equal unhappiness and being poor is happiness with complete family, can see them everyday, when they're malnourished, no money for vitamins food, no emergency funds for sudden hospitalization.

They always romanticized Poverty in my country. Fuck those politicians just dumbing down people to be easier to be manipulated. Q

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u/Daves-crooked-eye Sep 24 '22

70 hour work weeks. The “I’m always at work” bragging like it’s a good thing that you’re never with your family.

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