r/AskReddit Sep 24 '22 Silver 2 Helpful 3 Wholesome 1

What does porn/hentai ALWAYS get wrong about sex? NSFW

6.0k Upvotes

1.5k

u/willvasco Sep 24 '22

If you can cum enough to cover someone's entire body in it, you need to see a doctor

611

u/PackGod06 Sep 25 '22

“Hey doc I just want to let you know I just released a gallon worth of cum on my gf is that bad?”

“Jesus Timmy you have a tumor!”

97

u/VertWheeler07 Sep 25 '22

had a tumor, now it's on his gf

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7.3k

u/Fit_Help5533 Sep 24 '22

“This game will make you cum in 30 seconds”

1.8k

u/TactilePanic81 Sep 25 '22

“This is the most addictive game” who the fuck is trying to get addicted to pornographic video games? Why is that a selling point?

523

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '22

Cuz everyone is like “wow this game gets people addicted? It must be super pornographic. Its not gonna get me addicted tho. Only the other mortals. Time to fap!”

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512

u/HomemRural Sep 24 '22
  1. Take it or leave it

273

u/Fit_Help5533 Sep 24 '22

“Please add credit card info for this TOTALLY free game”

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60

u/Perfect_Access_5893 Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

1.5 that's my last offer

73

u/Fit_Help5533 Sep 24 '22

“Who do you choose, stepmom or stepsister “

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1.0k

u/CutAccording7289 Sep 24 '22

It scares me that they advertise that timeline based on people being so desensitized to porn they can’t achieve an orgasm

504

u/Fit_Help5533 Sep 24 '22

Bro I feel like I desensitized myself I’m clean off watching porn for a week

178

u/hornyrussianbot Sep 24 '22

aye congrats

255

u/Fit_Help5533 Sep 24 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

Im going to aim for 2 weeks, hopefully it goes well.

Edit: I made to 2 weeks.

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4.7k

u/NekoMao92 Sep 24 '22

Well as far as hentai goes... women have extra-dimensional space...

As for porn, it makes anal sex look extremely clean.

1.2k

u/bigj_518 Sep 24 '22

Yeah I never understood that. Always seemed like dudes would just go in dry without any lube. I know they do anal training but still

733

u/HonestSapphireLion24 Sep 24 '22

Speaking from experience, a lot of people sadly are clueless when it comes to anal. If people would just take the extra time, it really matters.

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638

u/so_im_all_like Sep 24 '22

Anal always carries some degree of poop risk, but unless you're really gifted, a well-timed penetration of the rectum (especially if douched) should be unremarkable in that regard. Of course, those folks that do more extreme anal play do more extensive cleaning beforehand.

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5.3k

u/baby_doll_92 Sep 24 '22

The positions. Took a while to find out many were just good camera angles, not necessarily pleasurable .

1.2k

u/CBKritter Sep 25 '22

So you mean those tentacles don't really get a girl off? Fuck Zimbak the destroyer is gonna be so disappointed

23

u/Kelemenopy Sep 25 '22

Are you talking about Zimbak the Pussy Destroyer or Zimbak the Destroyer of Worlds?

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743

u/propagandavid Sep 24 '22

Really? I learned that quick. Any porn position I've tried has been really uncomfortable with shallow penetration, so you know, try it once, admit it didn't work and have a little laugh with your partner and go back to something that feels natural.

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1.7k

u/FriendliestUsername Sep 24 '22

No one has that many penises.

598

u/white_clown_glove Sep 24 '22

Is that a challenge

137

u/krvnbeary Sep 25 '22

this reply somehow works w every comment here

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2.9k

u/Clcooper423 Sep 24 '22

Far more tentacles in real sex.

597

u/BiryaniBabe Sep 25 '22

I’ll take whatever this persons having

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3.8k

u/DEMONSCRIBE Sep 24 '22

BOOBS DONT MOVE LIKE THAT

767

u/Kittingsl Sep 25 '22

Anime jiggle physics

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575

u/Im_a_seaturtle Sep 25 '22

No? They aren’t semi filled with helium?

420

u/DEMONSCRIBE Sep 25 '22

if that were the case, women wouldn't be complaining of back pain

76

u/zoepaige11 Sep 25 '22

Wait……helium….back pain….we’re on to something here

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100

u/Sdbtank96 Sep 25 '22

BULLSHIT! Everyone knows that every tiddy has a little brain in there that allows them to move independently from one another.

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696

u/567stranger Sep 25 '22

And then they grab it and squish it like it's some slime ball. Dudeee that looks painful as fuck.

298

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '22

imagine if someone did that to your balls

the screeches of pain would echo all around the world

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u/DEMONSCRIBE Sep 25 '22

as someone who's had their boobs grab like that, I can confirm it does, in fact, hurt

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123

u/MarmaladeSunset Sep 25 '22

As woman watching hentai, it's almost distracting how they are animated cause it's wrong xD

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u/[deleted] Sep 25 '22

[deleted]

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4.1k

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22

You don't really get stuck in a washer

1.3k

u/DonsDiaperIsFull Sep 24 '22

yeah, it's always the dryer, never the washer.

255

u/CallMeWillBuddy Sep 25 '22

In Soviet Russia, washer get stuck in you

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307

u/jxrdy_shakur Sep 24 '22

The washer gets u stuck

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1.0k

u/ilovecheese31 Sep 24 '22

When it comes to the clitoris, generally speaking, less is more. That thing has a LOT of nerve endings, you do not need to vigorously rub it like you’re trying to get a really stubborn stain out of a shirt.

374

u/Kruiii Sep 24 '22

But how else is the lady supposed to violently squirt?

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191

u/AMerrickanGirl Sep 24 '22

I shudder when I see a stiff, pointed tongue flicking the end of a clit. For me that would be extremely unpleasant.

22

u/LibertyLizard Sep 25 '22

Everyone is different. My wife requests this all the time.

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3.5k

u/Wild_Stomach5042 Sep 24 '22

The sizing is blown out of proportion. You have dudes with 1 meter long dicks fucking girls the size of their fist

830

u/Jhon778 Sep 24 '22

Porn has ruined a lot of virgin perspectives on sex.

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1.1k

u/SillyMoose90210 Sep 24 '22 Silver

Ah, ye olde portal pussy.

182

u/AlligatorAve Sep 24 '22

I’m making that into a shirt

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6.7k

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22

You can’t just shove it in and expect her to love it

2.2k

u/Aduro95 Sep 24 '22 Helpful

To be fair, I did see a video on pornhub in which a woman explained what actually gave her an orgasm, and that she didn't really cum from penetrative sex. But that her boyfriend managed it with fingering and a vibrator, and even taht took some practice.

But yeah, what's realistic for an individual is way in the minority when it comes to porn.

1.1k

u/Lonely_Reception2439 Sep 24 '22

Lots of survey says that high posibility of woman's orgasm is from foreplay, not the actual penetration.

426

u/Aduro95 Sep 24 '22

Seems legit. In my experience, which admittedly isn't that much, just have an honest conversation and also one of those magic wand vibrator things.

385

u/vk136 Sep 25 '22

Thinking quickly, Dave constructs a homemade vibrator using only a string, a squirrel and a vibrator

115

u/Hutchiaj01 Sep 25 '22

Is... is that a Dave the Barbarian reference?

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497

u/snakehead1998 Sep 24 '22

I hate this, especially in hentai.

Glad i dont watch that stuff anymore...

141

u/space_ranger76 Sep 24 '22

Dots of farce at the end…

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538

u/daddy-patrickk Sep 24 '22

The fantasys. Most likely you gonna stick your meat in and cum in a few minutes.

224

u/Dire-Dog Sep 24 '22

Pffft try a few seconds

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1.9k

u/VidocqCZE Sep 24 '22

Anal...meet a girl on street and anal is just a little bit of spit and done...no shit or pain.

Ass to pussy is bad too, it is not healthy at all - its fucking dangerous! They are mostly using specific types of gels and oils with cleansing effect and ass itself is cleaned-up before.

Dick size, thanks to porn some of teenage guys are thinking they are below average or even totally small, then they can meet someone and found out they are bigger or average. To it you can connect that some of the guys think that rough sex is the best sex, and they don't understand that it hurts or why the girl doesn't like it, they don't care if the girl orgasm too etc..

It can cause addiction and make the real sex worse for you.

512

u/Gimeurcumiesskydaddy Sep 25 '22 Silver

Good god the mere thought of ass to pussy has me wanting to run to the gyno

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2.3k

u/Sad_Concept_8766 Sep 24 '22

No human can release 5 gallons worth of semen in one go

579

u/ExtraAd4090 Sep 24 '22

There is a couple on porn hub, search for 'thestartofus' that guys cums out at least a PINT every time

236

u/sizelover90 Sep 25 '22

Just watched a couple vids. Classic case of hyperspermia. It starts as a dribble or stream, then pulses out. Definitely a medical condition.

54

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '22

By my experience, the longer i drag out the orgasm the bigger gets the load. Independent of when the last time was but it is important to be hydrated for it to work.

31

u/lgndryheat Sep 25 '22

hyperspermia

this sounds made up and hilarious

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285

u/Sad_Concept_8766 Sep 24 '22

He has the alpha balls then i guess

363

u/ExtraAd4090 Sep 24 '22

or a huge tumor

291

u/Sad_Concept_8766 Sep 24 '22

Great power always comes with great sacrifice

94

u/ExtraAd4090 Sep 24 '22

and great responsibility

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82

u/ArsonAddict Sep 24 '22

Source?

190

u/azndev Sep 24 '22

No, the source ran out already

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341

u/DialsElder Sep 24 '22

Is that a challenge

109

u/Otherwise-Mail8417 Sep 24 '22

Only if you make it

44

u/jchoward0418 Sep 24 '22

This will be an interesting autopsy report...

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972

u/jjvikingbutt Sep 24 '22

Your stepmom doesn't want to fuck you. Especially if she's stuck in a dryer

114

u/yayayooya Sep 25 '22

Right. I’m betting she just wants to get out that dryer, man

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2.1k

u/PsychologicalKey8346 Sep 24 '22

big glossy ogre dick enters the chat

699

u/Consistent_Let_733 Sep 24 '22

That’s enough Reddit for today

157

u/Difficult_Feed3999 Sep 24 '22

Yep, first comment I saw after getting on and I'm gonna go read a book lol

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156

u/RandomPhail Sep 24 '22

I know, right? My ogre dick is almost NEVER glossy irl

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1.4k

u/Elementus94 Sep 24 '22 Helpful

No elves, centaurs or other mythical creatures living in the modern era

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1.6k

u/Coolgames80 Sep 24 '22

I always find funny that characters that were virgins a few minutes ago suddenly go into different positions and get to cum multiple time while giving expert oral sex.

342

u/Pochusaurus Sep 24 '22

virgins staying hard after cumming is quite believable. Eating pussy the right way however… that shit takes skill

192

u/Kruiii Sep 24 '22

Lets be honest most porn and hentai is not focused on eating anyone out.

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133

u/JelloEmergency9614 Sep 24 '22

The noises. Bro.....I am loud but c'mon

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826

u/Winter-Ad1853 Sep 24 '22

Boobs. They don’t just float around without a bra.

246

u/yayayooya Sep 25 '22

I just got a visual of floating boobs and I’m dying of laughter hahahaha

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u/StarfallenCherry Sep 24 '22

This. I’ve seen many a hentai where the dude sticks it in one inch and the boobs fly up with her mouth gaping open

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2.3k

u/Hmasteryz Sep 24 '22

Unlimited stamina, endless session time, or doing it like rabbits , reality doesn't work that way.

2.2k

u/Nwcray Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome

Real life is trying to get it done in the 15 minutes you’re awake but the toddler isn’t and you’re just trying trying to not make too much noise or you’ll wake them up but you haven’t been intimate in a week and half and you’re just not going to be those people who let their kids dominate your marriage because you still love your spouse and miss them and really want to make love so you’re going to, dammit, because you’re adults in love and did I remember to sort the laundry? Yeah, yeah. I did. Almost sure, I think.

Now get it.

that’s real life.

270

u/NotMyMainName96 Sep 25 '22

So funny bc it’s true. On r/askredditafterdark people are like “yeah we’ve slowed down to only 3-4x/week. It’s been rough.”

I’m just like you’ve never had a teething kid, that then gets a virus and then gives it to the older one, so you’re just cleaning puke and then xtra small person shit, so there’s no way in hell you don’t get sick, but by then they’re fine, so you’re just a puking sick zombie trying to not let small people die but also not bottle up their energy so they go to bed so you can go to bed and 2 months later you’re both like “shit, it’s been a minute since we had sex.” But then you both get off so win.

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344

u/rhymesaying Sep 24 '22

You nailed it fr. There's always multiple times during the session where she goes "Shh! Shh! You're going to wake her up!" And I have to pretend like I'm going to go any less hard

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538

u/Longjumping_Stop9224 Sep 24 '22

The blood sacrifice that's suppose to take place first.

232

u/Nisseliten Sep 24 '22

Nothing screams foreplay like butchering a chicken, am I right?

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310

u/The_Lucky_7 Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

Narration.
CinemaSins ding.

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283

u/BelliumBug Sep 24 '22

That both people cum at the same time every time.

24

u/messi-pelado Sep 25 '22

Happened to me only once with my gf

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677

u/JQuest7575 Sep 24 '22

The follow observations are mainly for what I have witnessed with hentai:

  1. That every man's erection is that big and that immediate.
  2. That every man is capable of multiple large orgasms.
  3. That there is no need for safe sex (i.e., condoms).
  4. That the only way to finish is a creampie.
  5. That consent is optional.

459

u/Roctapus42 Sep 24 '22

4a) Cream pies so intense that they flow through the cervix, fill the uterus and then shoot or ooze out as well.

178

u/binybeke Sep 24 '22

Shit starts coming out of their ears

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263

u/M2-99-ROU Sep 24 '22

5 a). Not being able to hold back is an acceptable excuse to force yourself on a chick

117

u/AClassyTurtle Sep 24 '22

5 b). That women will enjoy the rape anyway and even come back for more

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182

u/jratreddit Sep 24 '22

5 a.1) sisters and stepsisters are especially ok to force it on, because they're family and they need to learn how to take a dick.

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220

u/WitherLele Sep 24 '22

the cream pie thing is intentional to increase the population of japan

125

u/Kruiii Sep 24 '22

So hentai is secretly breeding propaganda?

63

u/WitherLele Sep 24 '22

no, it's not trying to hide it so i wouldn t say secretely

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1.6k

u/AlterEdward Sep 24 '22

I was sensitive about the size of my dick for years because of porn. When I started to become sexually active, I discovered I was a above average.

Male porn actors are porn actors because they have massive wangs, guys. And women know this, so chill about your dick size.

752

u/MSWitch2015 Sep 24 '22

As a woman, I ask for you to say that louder for the people in the back! In my personal opinion, skill over size, is what is most important.

304

u/Foxeymoonbubble Sep 24 '22

Yes! A big dick can feel horrible with poor skills, and a small one marvelous if the deed is well done!

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77

u/LeeVH1 Sep 24 '22

Reminds me of that reddit post where a girl’s boyfriend blew up at her because milk didn’t come out of her boobs like the hentai he watched and he thought that meant she didn’t like it.

36

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '22

facepalm How the fuck did someone like that get a girl to have sex with him?

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710

u/Centaurious Sep 24 '22

It would probably be easier to list the things it gets right than the sheer amount of things it gets wrong

496

u/Toke_Ivo Sep 24 '22

Stuff it gets right:

That people are involved. Often multiple of them.

The number of openings in a human body (but neither location, or contents of said openings).

Did I miss anything?

260

u/A_Bloody_Hurricane Sep 24 '22

Boobs exist. Not the size or physics of em, but their existence is indeed there, so they have bare minimum boob representation and HOLY TIT TOO MUCH BOOB REPRESENTATION simultaneously

178

u/nog642 Sep 24 '22

The number of openings in a human body

May I introduce you to nipple penetration hentai

464

u/Toke_Ivo Sep 24 '22 Silver

NO YOU MAY NOT! GOOD DAY, SIR!

76

u/yayayooya Sep 25 '22

This made me absolutely crack the fuck up. Thank you for that 😂

34

u/DasPuggy Sep 25 '22

I snorted ice-cream across my kitchen table.

Well done, ma'am.

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u/goodBEan Sep 24 '22

Just because two people are in a room doesn't mean they will have sex, step-siblings or not.

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746

u/A_potato_with_a_face Sep 24 '22

Anatomy . For hentai specifically the obsession with penetrating the cervix . That's not how it works guys...

257

u/Repulsive_Voice823 Sep 24 '22

penetrating the cervix? My dick ain't sword lmao

386

u/Tryhardfailure Sep 24 '22

As a cervix haver, that sounds PAINFUL

271

u/Alarming_Concert_792 Sep 24 '22

As a cervix haver, that sounds IMPOSSIBLE

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u/Hammarkids Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

Also the absolutely massive proportions of thighs and boobs

Not every girl is a L cup

Edit: I guess the downside of realistic proportions is that with the way anime is drawn the girls look concerningly underage if they have small boobs

59

u/GladiusIsntReal Sep 24 '22

That’s always been a pet peeve of mine.

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u/throwaway11737462 Sep 24 '22

That girls are actually into it even when they say no to the male character

216

u/ItalianDragon Sep 25 '22

Or that they aren't into it, get jizzed in once and suddenly they're hooked on it like if cum was a drug more potent than heroin and meth combined.

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u/adubsi Sep 24 '22

last I checked guys can’t cum 13 gallons in one shot

127

u/473_Sicario Sep 24 '22

I can assure you we cannot

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3.7k

u/Sheepdudebitch Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 25 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Starry Heartwarming

Hentai always portrays nut like it's whipped cream.

Edit: THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BLOW UP PLEASE STOP

Edit 2: I'm going to respond in extremely horny ways until y'all STOP

Edit 3: Who gave this the wholesome award?! THIS IS NOT WHOLESOME!

238

u/Y0urWeirdNeighb0r Sep 24 '22

It always comes out like a fucking fountain, too. There’ll be like 5 liters of the stuff, when in reality, there’s only like one little squirt.

83

u/xx_Chl_Chl_xx Sep 25 '22

This one hentai I watched (sorry I don’t remember the name) this dude kept having cum shooting out inside the girl. He actually said “sorry, this is going to take a while”. Cut to the next shot and it’s sundown when he’s finally finished. Man’s nut lasted hours. Forget balls of steel this mf had balls of holding

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u/suckstbu Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 26 '22

This. It always makes me think about how if cum tasted like it looked in hentai, I’d probably make a career of sucking dick. Whipped cream cum would be an absolute game changer.

Edit: figures that my most upvoted comment’s about whipped cream cum lol

218

u/horrifyingthought Sep 24 '22

Pumpkin Spice cum - just in time for fall!

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u/dobermandude306 Sep 24 '22 Helpful

Thanksgiving dinner "man you guys are gonna love the whipped cream on this pumpkin pie I just made"

718

u/Oswaldthestegosaurus Sep 24 '22

I miss ten seconds ago, when I didn't read that yet.

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u/ViperPain770 Sep 24 '22

I made it extra F R O T H Y

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480

u/beakrake Sep 24 '22 Yummy

Hentai dicks be shooting ropes of delicious vanilla jizz like it's someone emptying a 10 gallon pot of clam chowder as fast as they can with an XL turkey baster...

182

u/OneTrueTreeTree Sep 25 '22

It would have cost you zero dollars to not say that. I will never eat clam chowder again

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u/realjustinberg Sep 25 '22

Sex isn't real. You can't fool me.

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u/Dire-Dog Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

That everyone gets off. It doesn't always happen. I've still had amazing sex where no one gets off. It's about the journey, not the destination.

164

u/Lebonnb Sep 24 '22

Journey before Destination

64

u/No_Collar_208 Sep 24 '22

Ah, I see your a man of culture

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u/0utlandish_323 Sep 24 '22

Hentai? Almost everything, down to the anatomical level. Have you seen what those fuckin artists think the inside of a female looks like

224

u/Kruiii Sep 24 '22

I hate internal shots in hentai.

First off, like you said, the anatomy looks like a dark souls dungeon. Also who is turned on by that. Who is that for.

"Id love to see the beginning stages of egg fertilization. Cause I need my porn to be like a discovery channel documentary about the reproduction process".

77

u/ItalianDragon Sep 25 '22

"Id love to see the beginning stages of egg fertilization. Cause I need my porn to be like a discovery channel documentary about the reproduction process".

Lmfao, now I'm imagining hentai with commentary done by David Attenborough on it xD

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u/Ok_Storage525 Sep 24 '22

Porn always gets sex wrong by making it seem like it's all about the man's pleasure. In reality, good sex is about both partners enjoying themselves and being equally satisfied.

166

u/AlterEdward Sep 24 '22

YES. Porn is (mostly) a male mastabatory aid. Sex is an activity you do with someone else.

138

u/Bunkit_ Sep 24 '22

As a woman who watches porn from time to time, it makes me sick to see how staged the mainstream porn is. Such a turn off to see a woman screaming bloody murder because a man is ramming his finger into her like a jack hammer. I look for amateur or just “real” couples. I like to see connection.

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u/MysterClark Sep 24 '22

No idea. I spend all my time watching porn/hentai and never having sex. I'm assuming it's all accurate.

606

u/jxrdy_shakur Sep 24 '22

This guy fucks.......himself

144

u/Scredzeques Sep 24 '22

Some guys can fuck themselves in real life. Just a lil’ google search and youll see.

121

u/jxrdy_shakur Sep 24 '22

Nope nope nope

51

u/Scredzeques Sep 24 '22

Understandable. Lol

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u/Leading-University Sep 24 '22

The modern man ladies and gentlemen

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u/No-Low-4981 Sep 24 '22

That a recently turned 18 year old hot, slutty stepdaughter would not get out of the electric chair to have sex with the depraved, predator that married her mother. She more than likely would rather be swallowed whole by a starving komodo dragon.

23

u/SomethingClever42068 Sep 25 '22

My girlfriend in highschool cheated on me multiple times with her step-dad.

Found out that after I broke up with her they kicked her mom out and she was expecting a baby

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46

u/ProfessO3o Sep 24 '22

Me and my husband with over 10 years experience will tell you what we have come to understand.

Everything! Hentai situations positions sizes noises etc. Are all not only unrealistic but completely wrong. Even the missionary position is often incorrect. I would never recommend using hentai as a base for sexual experiences. You will be disappointed.

188

u/Fit_Help5533 Sep 24 '22

That you’re the mc.

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u/Gr8NonSequitur Sep 25 '22 edited Sep 25 '22

Porn gave me an unrealistic expectation on how quickly a plumber would show up to my house.

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u/pm_me_your_gazookas Sep 24 '22

The sexual tension/excitement before fucking someone for the first time. That electric feeling in the air you get to feel when you look them in the eye knowing what will happen in a few seconds. Ive seen them try to get that right, but it always feels dull.

37

u/Nisseliten Sep 24 '22

Something you learn the good way instead of the hard.. Or is that backwards too?

325

u/African_Mongoose Sep 24 '22

Women rarely make that many noises. You have to buy her dinner after making her family love you and then adopt a kitten together to get those special effects

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270

u/astringofnumbersorso Sep 24 '22 Silver

asian pussies aren't actually pixelated apparently

30

u/AverageWeezerFan_ Sep 24 '22

This made me laugh a little bit I’m ashamed to say

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u/Hephaestus_God Sep 24 '22 Silver

That there is a 2nd person with you

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u/Its_not_you_its_meme Sep 24 '22

When she goes crazy over getting her cervix pounded but in reality that shit hurts so bad 😭

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u/Heavy-Ad-7220 Sep 24 '22

https://youtu.be/PQuT-Xfyk3o

This series, even tho it’s technically not porn, is quite accurate on some aspects. It’s really watch worthy.

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u/CyberClaws7112 Sep 25 '22

Your cock doesn't blur when you stick it inside someone's cat-hole.

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u/NemoAtkins2 Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

A few examples spring to mind, based on my conversations with friends (I have not actually had sex myself yet):

1) Nobody moans constantly when being touched everywhere (or, at the very least, that is so rare that you are highly unlikely to ever experience that).

2) Anal sex without pre-planning nearly always ends with you having whatever went up the appropriate person’s butt having a lot of shit on it. Even with pre-planning (which means dooshing at the absolute minimum), it still happens a lot unless you also don’t eat for a good day or two before you have anal sex.

3) Related to the above: anal sex without a huge amount of lube HURTS for at least the vast majority of people. Lube is your friend in general, but for anal, it should be the second-best thing in the room with you (the other being the other person). At worst, third-best after condoms (unless washing shit off your dick is something you’re into).

4) Those sexual positions you see in porn/hentai? Many of them are actually really uncomfortable to do in reality.

5) Having sex for long periods of time is actually really boring and can be really painful for women, not exciting. Remember, the vagina is a muscle that has to stretch for the penis to enter it: as anyone who has had to hold something for a long period of time can attest, muscles grow tired and sore when used for long periods of time, so having sex for 20 minutes will eventually stop being fun for most women.

6) Not really a porn/hentai thing, but related to the previous point: the vagina does NOT lose its shape because of sex. Again, muscle: do your arms get longer or shorter because you’ve spend hours lifting weights? No, they do not, because a muscle returns to its original position and shape when allowed to relax. Same thing happens with the vagina.

7) Also related to point 5: very few people can have sex multiple times without a break. Guys because the penis typically goes flaccid after an orgasm and needs a few minutes before it can get erect again and women because of the earlier mentioned fact that the vagina stretches to allow the insertion of a penis. It isn’t impossible that this CAN happen, but it is definitely NOT something that the average person can do.

8) Long and wide dicks are not always better. As a general rule of thumb, the average female vagina is about 8 inches deep: a penis longer than 8 inches is at best risking hitting the uterus and SEVERELY hurting the woman as a result and a penis that is too wide may not even be possible to insert into the vagina of a woman. This is why there’s the saying “it’s not about the size, it’s how you use it” and why foreplay is considered so important to having good sex: having a monster cock without knowing how to actually be a good lover means you’ll almost certainly be considered to be worse in the bedroom than an average sized guy who nonetheless puts in the effort to be a good lover.

9) Kind of a general thing rather than an actual porn/hentai thing, but sex has A LOT of weird noises that happen during it. Queefing (vagina farts caused by air escaping the vagina) and strange moans, to name the obvious, mean that sex is often much more odd sounding (and frequently funnier) than you might expect it to be from watching porn/hentai. It pays to have a healthy sense of humour when having sex, as going “the fuck was that” or taking the piss during sex will at best make things awkward while just laughing it off will make things much more fun and enjoyable.

Edit: minor corrections

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u/JellyDoodlez Sep 24 '22

I feel like you had this on your mind for a LONG time.

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u/NemoAtkins2 Sep 24 '22

Maybe a bit, yeah: for me, I keep finding myself incredulous when guys say stupid crap about sex in general despite claiming to have had it at least once or twice (and may even have a kid to prove that it has to have happened at least once), because most of it is stuff that could literally be solved by having the humility to ask a female friend “is this actually how sex works for women” or spending a few minutes looking in women’s health stuff.

Maybe it’s because I’m demi and also have never been bothered about looking “girly/gay”, but, like…shouldn’t it be common sense to want to know how to actually be good at sex and make your partner enjoy it instead of going in acting like you know what you’re doing when you actually don’t know the difference between an IUD and an IOU and the closest you have to info being “stick it in a hole, if it feels good, keep doing it”?

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u/MarySueMePlease Sep 24 '22

Well I’m glad you’ve taken the time to write it all out. Most schools do such a poor job teaching Sex Ed, if they even bother teaching it at all. You’d be surprised how many adults don’t know the difference between the vagina and vulva. Hopefully there’s someone out there that didn’t know this and they genuinely take the time to learn.

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u/Exact-Cockroach-6682 Sep 24 '22

Men got big dicks

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u/underinfluence420 Sep 24 '22

Shower sex is in no way fun, sexy, or a good time.

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u/Emotional_Raccoon651 Sep 25 '22

Water is the anti lube it turns out.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22

The sounds. No one talks or moans that much during normal sex

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u/Garden_Gn0m3 Sep 24 '22

Real people don’t stick octopus tentacles in their assholes/puss

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u/Tensor3 Sep 24 '22

You haven't spent much time looking at online dildo shops if you think so

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22

Dick size.

5 inches is AVERAGE, my dudes.

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