r/TwoXChromosomes Sep 24 '22 Silver 1 Looking 1 Lurking 1 Gold 1 Wholesome 3 Press F 1 Dread 1 Facepalm 1 Ally 1 Snek 1 Evil Cackle 1 Helpful 1 To The Stars 1 Are You Serious? 1

How do I approach telling my husband to stop jerking off into my blanket? Support

I (26F) have been married to my husband (28M) for around 3 years now. I have always known and been fine with him masturbating and am aware that he uses blankets to catch his load. He has a gaming room that he has a specific blanket he uses but also would use another smaller blanket or his own for our bedroom before work or on weekends. We use separate blankets as we have different preferences and it works really well. He has a fleece blanket that he uses and i have a down comforter.

A few months back I noticed crunchy spots as I would readjust my blanket at night and decided I would bring it up while he was in a good mood. I casually said I knew he was using my blanket and asked him to stop. He did for a few weeks but it started back up over time. Currently I take my blanket out of the room with me as I tried moving it onto my side of the bed on the floor but he would go get to to complete his mission. I wake up with our little one a couple hours before he does every weekend (a whole other issue) so he uses that time with my blanket if he gets the opportunity.

The problem is I am very non-confrontational and even bringing it up the first time took some building up to. I cry at the first start of any high emotion (both sad and happy) even with coping mechanisms I have learned along the way and I feel weak because of it. If he has already not listened with me asking nicely how would you recommend asking again? How can I even reprimand that if he doesn't listen?

Anyone have any recommendations for building confidence in uncomfortable conversations?

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u/so_lost_im_faded Sep 24 '22 Silver Gold All-Seeing Upvote Eureka!

YOU ARE SEVERELY UNDERREACTING.

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u/pnandgillybean Sep 24 '22

Seriously! What wild behavior. Imagine not being able to trust your husband not to wipe up his bodily fluids with your property and just leave them around???

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u/FliesAreEdible Sep 24 '22

Ok but how about the fact he goes looking for her blanket specifically to use after he's been told several times not to, that's the most fucked up part.

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u/donoteatshrimp Sep 25 '22

Guy's literally camping waiting for the blanket to be unguarded to do a speed-jerk into it lmfao. Wtf.

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u/ExplainItToMeLikeImA Sep 25 '22

This post is fucked and I feel bad for OP but this comment is extremely funny to me

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u/458steps Sep 24 '22

Yeah, this post made me really sad.

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u/ProfessionalScary193 Sep 25 '22

Rub his nose in it and say "NO!"

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u/Fragoor Sep 24 '22 Silver

Who the fuck uses a blanket

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u/Losers_loser Sep 24 '22

Yeah, for real. Most boys master the art of discretely masturbating and cleaning up at 13. Seems like very odd behavior for a grown man.

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u/Requiredmetrics Sep 24 '22 Helpful Snek

Seems like a fetish tbh

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u/E0H1PPU5 Sep 24 '22 All-Seeing Upvote Snek

Yeah. Using a blanket is probably laziness. Using your wife’s blanket repeatedly after she has asked you not to….that’s some weird sexual power play

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u/fischestix Sep 24 '22

Laziness of fetish? That should be a game show. If I did this I would expect my partner to come say why the fuck are you beating off onto my blanket? And I would say because I'm super lazy. Then she would say use a sock like a civilized person. I mean even 13-year-old guys are better than this. That's why I'm kind of leaning towards it being a fetish. Either way it's not cool and you just have to establish the boundary that it can't happen. Bad form dude. No one wants dried jizz on their stuff.

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u/beatthestupidout Sep 25 '22

sock

civilized

Use a bloody tissue! Don't normalise this sock nonsense.

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u/TheIllustratedGhost Sep 24 '22

Not only that but waiting until she leaves it unattended or going and retrieving it. This guy is a fucking loser.

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u/Megz2k Sep 24 '22 Snek

Yeah this. It sounds like fetish and it also sounds like a passive aggressive way to “establish dominance.” OP asks him not to do it, so he goes out of his way to do it just because he knows she doesn’t like it. Willing to bet his unwillingness to help with the baby is for the same reasons.

OP, these are just symptoms of what you and I both know are deep seated issues in your marriage.

I recommend you getting therapy. Not couples therapy, but therapy all on your own. You’d be wasting your time doing couples therapy with him because a) he wouldn’t show up in the ways you’d need him to, and b) because y’all aren’t even a couple at this point. You’re adversaries because he’s a fucking psycho.

You deserve better. So does your baby.

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u/paegus Sep 24 '22

...and doesn't clean up the evidence after.

Crusty blankets on the bed they sleep in?

Yikes.

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u/TK-741 Sep 24 '22

Kleenex, TP, paper towel, old socks, old shirts… but blankets?

This man is a sociopath.

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u/Abolishmisogyny Sep 24 '22

"I wake up with our little one a couple hours before he does every weekend (a whole other issue)."

I feel like you're putting up with a whole lot of crap in this marriage that you shouldn't be. He is probably taking advantage of your non-confrontational personality.

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u/xpgx Sep 24 '22

yeah, the fact that she had to approach him when he’s in a good mood says a lot about the power dynamics in this relationship. it feels like OP is walking on eggshells around this guy.

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u/Pb_and_drums Sep 24 '22 Helpful Take My Energy

The crunchy sound is not eggshells unfortunately.

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u/Toad_friends Sep 24 '22

😂🤮😭🤢

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u/Andrusela Sep 24 '22

THIS.

As a formerly very non-confrontational person there are people who absolutely benefit from that.

To answer your question OP, please seek out therapy for yourself. A good therapist can definitely help you with this, and they love having a specific thing to work on rather than have someone just show up and say "fix me."

You are not crazy but you do need some help in adjusting this behavior of non confrontation. It will ruin your life, eventually, and maybe your child's as well.

Now that it is not just you that will suffer, please think of your child if that is what it takes to make changes. I wish you well.

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u/pontoponyo Sep 24 '22

Same thought. There is a whole lot more going on here than just a cum blanket. This man straight up has no respect for his wife.

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u/LarryCraigSmeg Sep 24 '22

Yeah. But back to the cum blanket. WTF?

Hasn’t he heard of coconuts?

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u/cigarell0 Sep 24 '22

Yeah this really pissed me off bc he could get up and help her but instead he’s in bed cumming in her expensive down comforter??

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u/Theothercword Sep 24 '22

I was also concerned with the line about talking to him “when he’s in a good mood.” That makes me very worried for OP, this relationship sounds like it has a potential to be a lot worse than she realizes. I could just be reading too far into it but everything about this is totally messed up from what I can tell.

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u/wavedasher321 Sep 24 '22

OP should be talking to the husband about this too, child rearing is a 2 parent job, this man needs to get up with his wife and help take care of the little ones. He can make time for his needs later.

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u/michalemabelle Sep 24 '22

"decided I would bring it up while he was in a good mood."

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

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u/CuriosityK Sep 24 '22

Yeah he sounds like my abusive ex. He would pressure me into sex all the time, yet jerked off constantly. It was a power move to him and it only escalated from there. 🚩🚩🚩🚩

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u/gentletrenchwench Sep 24 '22

I'm glad someone else caught it too. I'm desperately trying to get him to respect me the way I do him.

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u/Three3Jane Sep 24 '22 Helpful Starry Ally

Honey, gently: If he wanted to, he would.

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u/SmartWonderWoman Sep 24 '22

Agreed 💯.

Your husband does not respect you. Love is respect. You are worthy to be loved and respected the way you want to be loved. I wish you the best.

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u/rigelandsirius Sep 24 '22

He sounds terrible on all fronts. What exactly are you getting out of this relationship?

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u/sharkglitter All Hail Notorious RBG Sep 24 '22 Silver Helpful I'll Drink to That

But also when exactly are you getting out of this relationship?

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u/SpaceJackRabbit Sep 24 '22

OP sounds like she married a teenager.

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u/zipzapzoppizzazz Sep 24 '22

“I’m glad someone else caught it too.” This tells me you already know how bad things are, at least on a gut level.

You know this isn’t right, even if that’s hard or impossible to say right now. You need to make an exit plan. There are no magic words, confrontational or otherwise, you can say that will make him a different person. Please keep in mind what your baby is learning by seeing you continuously walking on eggshells and being blatantly disrespected. Children start absorbing norms very, very young, and the younger they are when it’s ingrained, the harder it is to overcome even with extensive therapy as an adult.

If you need help making an exit plan, please reach out. It’s not really my area of expertise, but I can try to help find resources at a minimum. I’m sure there are others here who you have personal experiences and advice on exit planning too.

Wishing you and your baby the best.

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u/petiteminotaure Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 25 '22 Silver

When I was in a toxic relationship once a friend asked me, “if you had a child in the future would you want them dating someone like him?” Or similarly, “do you want you child to grow up and be like him?”

That flipped a switch in me and I got out of that relationship quickly. I couldn’t do it for myself because I was in an unhealthy cycle of feeling shitty about myself and seeking his validation. But when it was framed like that it seemed ridiculous to stay.

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u/FragileStoner Sep 24 '22

You can't make someone respect you who doesn't respect you. I'm sorry but your husband does not respect you. And he certainly will not respect you if you don't stand up for yourself every time. If it isn't safe or does not feel safe to do so, you don't trust him. So he doesn't respect you and you don't trust him. That is not a relationship. Honey you're his prisoner.

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u/ThaneOfCawdorrr Sep 24 '22

I mean, it sounds like she gets up with their baby EVERY SINGLE DAY, while he's jerking off into HER blanket, after she's asked him repeatedly not to. OP, please leave this man.

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u/Blirby Sep 24 '22 Helpful

Honey, I’m begging you please read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.

You are smart kind and caring. And there is nothing you can ever do to “earn” respect from a fundamentally disrespectful person.

You are already doing so much for him that you feel like if you just do a little more then it will be enough and then he’ll be good to you. But that is just a dangling carrot. You should never be disrespected in your relationship, ever. Love is respect.

https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

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u/HarleyQuinnsRage Sep 24 '22

This book is an impactful read and important reference for many. Great book.

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u/LadyofCorvidsPerch Sep 24 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome Starry

Hon, come here. Listen. I used to be you. I can imagine me posting all those words you typed out. I wish I could wrap you in a giant hug. It took me 16 years to get out and my regret for the rest of my life will be that it took that long.

Your husband is doing this to show you he can. It's a control move. He predicts that he has enough control over you to tell you a lie that you won't refute. He needs to have more control over you than reality does, because then he can create the reality he wants you to have. It's because he's scared. He's terrified that if you see reality as he sees it, you'll leave him. Once you realize this, you'll want to stay and save him. In reality, that's what you saw, maybe only a flickering moment, at the time you decided to stay with him. You saw how broken he is, and you wanted to be his safe place.

I'm sorry, but you can't be that for him. No one can. He will eat you alive, taking, taking, taking, until you are completely and utterly drained. One afternoon, you'll be watching the sun dip over the hill and a bolt with the weight of that sun will hit your chest and you'll realize you turned it all over so slowly, so steadily. You, all of you. Your hopes, dreams, beliefs, likes, dislikes. They'll be gone.

Please, find enough love for yourself and your child to leave. Because you cannot raise your child with your marriage as their template. If you can't leave for you, leave for your child.

Start putting aside cash and slip overnight essentials into a bag in your car. When you're close, call your local police and tell them, "I'm planning to leave my husband. He may become violent and I want to file an alert. " They'll walk you through.

Be safe, child. Be brave.

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u/ashpanda24 Sep 24 '22

OP I need to be honest with you here: I don't think that's ever going to be possible. It's not because you're not a good person, or a person worth respecting, it's him. He's deficient and from the sound of it, very selfish. If you can't get the two of you into therapy to seek professional opinions and practices, I'd suggest thinking deeply and honestly about whether this relationship as it stands right now makes you happy/if you're willing to live this way for the rest of your life. Because men like this aren't going to change unless they decide for themselves that they want to make changes.

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u/dosed33 Sep 24 '22

if he doesn’t by now he never will, hate to say it

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u/pegasuspish Sep 24 '22 Silver Ally

OP, this is heartbreaking to read. it is clear from what you have written that you are being abused. none of this is remotely ok. this is not normal. you are being casually used and disrespected every single day. this relationship is doing harm to you. you do not deserve this.

I once dated a man who casually rubbed his cum on my things and me when I told him not to. when someone disrespects your boundaries, even over the small things, it is a red flag. he cared more about using me against my will for an instant of sexual gratification than showing me any modicum of respect. it was a huge red flag. we went on to rape me.

this post is a cry for help. please get out while you still can. you and your child will be so much better off without this abusive man dragging you down, degrading you, disrespecting you, and endangering you. please seek help before it's too late <3 national hotline for domestic violence-https://www.thehotline.org/

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u/jstwnnaupvte Sep 24 '22

Throw the whole husband out.

Truly, this specific behavior is appalling, & every other detail you’ve dropped in is dealbreaker material. You absolutely deserve better than this.

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u/bigtiddymoth7 Sep 24 '22 Silver Take My Energy

Wtf that is absolutely disgusting. I know it's hard to be confrontational but you gotta put your foot down. Him having crusty cum blankets around is already revolting but now he's doing it on your stuff like a fucking untrained dog marking his territory? Fucks sake.

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u/ceelogreenicanth Sep 24 '22

Dude has some mad basement dweller mentality. He needs to be house broken.

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u/keekeeVogel Sep 24 '22

I have zero issues with masterbation, healthy, but this sounds like it’s own level of gross. Is he a chronic gamer and masterbater that can’t leave the computer so he jerks off all day in whatever is closest? Does he please you? I’m nastied out by this post. Just Ew.

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u/mrziplockfresh Sep 24 '22

No, she said he actively gets up to sniff that blanket out to finish onto lol

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u/kawauso21 Sep 24 '22

I regret reading this thread while eating

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u/ParlorSoldier Sep 24 '22

sniff that blanket out

🤢

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u/iqueefkief Sep 24 '22

he needs to take a break and try out some fucking introspection

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u/glamourcrow Sep 24 '22

I absolutely agree.

I would walk out and not look back. Sorry dude, you're not housetrained, I'm returning you to your mom.

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u/ZealousidealBird7291 Sep 24 '22

Him having crusty cum blankets around is already revolting

Ya...there's being ok with your partner mastrubating and then there's....this...

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u/happylittletrees Sep 24 '22

Agreed, it's just fucking gross and he needs to stop. I have never in my life had a man do this to my stuff and honestly why blankets anyway?? I dont understand how he could possibly want to use the blanket afterward without washing it. Ugh, I feel bad for OP, so gross.

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u/84unicorn Sep 24 '22

I'm guessing he's using her blankets so she can use the gross blanket and not him. I'm not sure my husband would even get three strikes before he'd be out of this. I just can't even...

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u/happylittletrees Sep 24 '22

SAME! My boyfriend is a civilized human and if he does his thing on a towel (towel, not a whole damn blanket!) he throws it in the fucking dirty clothes bin like an adult and everyone moves on with their day. It's so gross and inconsiderate. Almost as bad as the cum box.🤢🤮

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u/asnownadian Sep 24 '22

Why... why a towel? I get it for cleaning up after sex, it feels nicer.

But if you're just cranking one out what the fuck is wrong with some tissue paper?

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u/Querty_567 Sep 24 '22

definitely put your foot down.

just not on that crunchy blanket.

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u/v0ness Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

Also has he never read any of the reddit horror stories about maggots?

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u/Eyeoftheleopard Sep 24 '22

I died inside.

And the smell must be… 😭

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u/bigtiddymoth7 Sep 24 '22

I don't even wanna know what you're talking about

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u/EmeraldGirl Sep 24 '22

And they have a baby. Kids get into everything and put everything in their mouths. What a pig. With the lack of consent, this just feels like assault.

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u/Mtnskydancer Sep 24 '22 Take My Energy

The “babies mouth everything” comment might work. “Do you want Little Darling chewing your crusty cum stains? No? Then go buy a couple hand towels, that YOU place in the laundry, and quit making work for me, and potentially feeding our kid your own jizz, for fucks sake.”

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u/Ewenthel Unicorns are real. Sep 24 '22

And if it doesn’t work, that’s conclusive evidence that it’s time for a divorce.

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u/happylittletrees Sep 24 '22

OMG dude yes and I would start feeling paranoid having him around literally any blankets. Like nothing is safe.

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u/crabblue6 Sep 24 '22 Dread

The fact that he does it when she is up with the baby and he's still lying around like a lazy sack of shit and cuming into HER blanket is just...I'm so pissed and grossed on her behalf.

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u/Magnolia_The_Synth Sep 24 '22

Exactly. How the hell is she so calm about all this? She seems trapped into the "I am a cool partner who never makes any waves or sets any boundaries because Id rather suffer in silence. I'm fine! FINE!" Sobs uncontrollably

But seriously I wonder if he rages at her when she brings anything up about his behavior. Sounds like he has her trained good. Very sad.

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u/aboveyardley Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

She mentioned that she would have to wait until he was in a good mood to talk with him... ☹️...and taking care of a baby while he's doing this. 🤮🤮🤮

Whole lotta red flags in this post.

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u/butterfly_eyes Sep 24 '22

Women are taught to ignore their own feelings and to prioritize others, esp men. The bar is very low for men so a lot of women find themselves with men like this and have to ask if the behavior is ok. It would not surprise me if he gets angry with her or if he gaslights her about this behavior. A lot of women get broken down and told "they're too sensitive".

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u/ButtMcNuggets Sep 24 '22 Take My Energy

He’s absolutely pushing her boundaries because he gets off on the control. He knew she would of course find out, and is counting on her being unwillingly subjected to his gross…cum blanket…(can’t believe I had to type that) 🤢

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u/albyssa Sep 24 '22

Oh it’s 100% a fetish. That’s a new one.

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u/heyarea Sep 24 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Giggle

What in the actual fuck did I just read.

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u/DapperSea9688 Sep 24 '22

Desperately hoping that the Men In Black memory eraser thing becomes real because fuck me I could use that more than this dude could use some time in timeout.

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u/Bullrawg Sep 25 '22

The birth of a copypasta

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u/trees_that_please_2 Sep 24 '22 Helpful

SHE SAID HER HUSBAND CANT STOP JERKING OFF INTO BLANKETS

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u/taste-like-burning Sep 24 '22

SHE SAID HER HUSBAND CANT STOP JERKING OFF INTO BLANKETS

into her blanket, specifically

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u/Rae_Regenbogen Sep 25 '22

It literally made me gag, and I had to stop reading after the “special” game-room blanket. I hope this isn’t real. I am so disturbed.

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u/Markietas Sep 25 '22

I can't imagine what other fucked up stuff he does that she doesn't even realize isn't normal or ok in the slightest.

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u/Bambooworm Sep 24 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Faith In Humanity Restored Starry Wholesome Seal of Approval To The Stars

Fyi, this is not normal behavior.

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u/FreudianSlipperyNipp Sep 24 '22

Will your kid have access to those blankets when they’re mobile? 🤢

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u/Bambooworm Sep 24 '22

Ughhhh, I thought about that too, which led me to thinking about what my dog would do to a crunchy blanket like that. Noooooooooo!

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u/RDHbee Sep 24 '22

PLEASE get this to the top. Op, this is a grown ass man. I have 14 and 12 year old boys and I don't even get a TRACE of them doing this. They do their own laundry, and clean up after themselves. We've had the talk about it so I know it's happening. It's clear disrespect and honestly kind of frightening with all the other stuff you said he does too.

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u/Elon_is_musky Sep 24 '22

And honestly gross considering they have a kid who either does or will soon walk around their house, & we all know how much kids love cuddling in blankets 🤢🤢

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u/Impossible_Garbage_4 Sep 24 '22

Not to mention chewing on things

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u/Elon_is_musky Sep 24 '22

Exactly!🤢kids don’t know, so it’s his job to make sure his biohazard is not only not within reach but in a fluffly blanket!

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u/kitylou Sep 24 '22

13 & 15 year old boys and same for us. This is not ok. Don’t parent your “partner”.

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u/barbaric_valkyrie Sep 24 '22

Don’t parent your “partner”.

That was the first thing I thought when she asked "how would you recommend asking again? How can I even reprimand that if he doesn't listen?", he's an adult! We're not talking about a kid who needs to be sit down and told what to do, that's a 28yo man who knows very well what he's doing.

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u/chickenfightyourmom Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

I think this man is getting a sexual thrill from ejaculating on her blanket. Either that, or he's "punishing" her for giving the baby attention (something that new moms need to do!) He waits until she gets up with the baby and goes to find her blanket to jerk off onto it. That's twisted af. She's asked him directly to stop, and he's still doing it. That's moving into the area of abusive behavior IMO.

OP your husband has problems. I know you don't feel confident in sharing difficult feelings, but this needs to be addressed. Write down what you want to say so you don't lose track. Seek out a therapist for support in becoming more confident with handling confrontation. Best wishes.

Edited to add: If he won't comply with your wishes, tell on him. Tell your friend, tell your mother, ask his brother about how to make him stop, tell his own mother what her son is doing while you're taking care of her grandchild. You came to reddit for assurance that this isn't normal, and we're all giving it to you. Shine some light into that darkness. If he's doing nothing wrong, then he won't be ashamed for others to know, right? He needs the responses to this behavior reflected back to him by someone other than you because he either A) doesn't care about you or B) is doing it on purpose as some kind of control issue. My feeling is that it's B.

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u/aboveyardley Sep 24 '22

As soon as I read about the baby, I thought "he's punishing her".

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u/LevelTechnician8400 Sep 24 '22

B sounds likely

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u/TTigerLilyx Sep 24 '22

Totally agree. There’s some passive aggressive shit going on here OP needs to address before it escalates.

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u/Tortillafor10 Sep 24 '22

Seriously. I know mine do also but take care of it in a normal manner. As normal people do.

OP, this isn’t normal!!!!

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u/Shnuggy67 Sep 24 '22

I, as well. I have never had to deal with the "cum crusts" issue.

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u/jaaaamesbaaxter Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22 Silver Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

also, (and I am a male)

I would consider someone purposefully coming on my stuff or me coming on someone’s stuff, especially a blanket that The person would have to sleep with, after Being told not to and that I am not comfortable with it at the very least sexual violation of boundaries and consent and it would feel like a form of sexual assault. This is how I would think of the act of doing that to another person. That it would be completely inappropriate and a form of sexually violating them. That might not be how everyone would see it but it is how I would see it. And I think that perspective is how he needs to see it.

Edit: additionally/tldr I am all for sex positivity but forcing others to participate in kinks without consent is straight up sexual assault.

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u/Bambooworm Sep 24 '22

I was just commenting elsewhere about this and also concluded violation of op's things, which are an extension of her, is at play here. I would probably drag my blanket with me to go hang out with the kiddo. But I probably would not be sleeping anywhere near that guy at this point either.

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u/kittykowalski Sep 24 '22

Could this be a fetish or kink to do this to her personal belongings? Something about this feels predatory....

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u/jaaaamesbaaxter Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 25 '22

Yes and yes. Gross and completely inappropriate way to treat your partner.

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u/BillyShears2015 Sep 24 '22

This comment is way way too far down, I think the blanket jizz man needs a mental health professional.

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u/Shnuggy67 Sep 24 '22

I, actually, am reccomending a therapist. OP should have one to help her processing and expressing upsetting emotions and "Cum Cruster" needs one for his lack of boundaries!

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u/maple_dreams Sep 24 '22

Using a blanket to blow his load into is just sick, I’m sorry. I honestly don’t think I could live with or tolerate something like this even if it was a blanket I never personally used. OP is putting up with way too much, this guy crossed a line even using a blanket to begin with.

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u/Iwasahipsterbefore Sep 24 '22

A single, dedicated blanket I can kinda understand, my partner and I have a dedicated sex towel after all. The rest though.... what the fuck?! Why the fuck isn't he cleaning up after himself?! I usually dislike comparing people to pets, but the commentary that he needs to be housebroken is kinda right here!

The smell ;_;

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u/J_deBoer Sep 24 '22

But I’m sure you wash the sex towel regularly right? I agree. He’s not cleaning up after himself, as well as specifically crossing the boundary of which blankets he’s allowed to use. I bet she washes his usual cum blankets for him too, which is not ok.

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u/lancea_longini Sep 24 '22

This is truly not normal behavior. It’s pretty downright aberrant.

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u/DeterminedErmine Sep 24 '22

Get mad, girl. That’s nasty

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u/MeelkTruck Sep 24 '22

So he's getting off on the fact that it's your property he's cumming on, and you've set boundaries and he's pushing them because that's more exciting than his regular old blanket. How much more is this going to escalate? Will he be cumming on you in your sleep next?

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u/Tristavia Sep 24 '22

YES!!

She said he literally has to get up, walk around the bed, find her blanket that she’s placed on the floor, far away, on the far side of the bed, bring said blanket over to the bed and THEN start his business

This is 100% a weird sex thing that is going to escalate to him jizzing in her coffee or some shit. He’s purposefully forcing her to snuggle his jizz after she explicitly denied him consent.

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u/Independent-Cat-7728 Sep 24 '22

There’s literally a small child in this house & I’m so worried for them. No normal person behaves like this.

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u/Unlikelylark Sep 24 '22 Gold

This. Everyone is acting like it's just an icky habit but it's not so simple as him being gross. He's getting off to disrespecting her.

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u/Ok_Skill_1195 Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

100% what I zoon in on anytime sexual behavior or food behaviors are repeatedly pushing a person's stated boundaries. More often than not from what I've seen, it ends up not being a coincidence and was part of some bizarre power tripping.

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u/TheRealSnorkel Sep 24 '22

Or in her food, or in her lotion or cosmetics or her clothes...

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u/uninvitedfriend Sep 24 '22

Wasn't there a thread somewhere about a guy secretly putting his old saved up cum into his wife's food because he got off on making her eat it without her knowledge or consent?

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u/IamMe90 Sep 24 '22

Yes, yes there was lol. It was pancake batter if I'm not mistaken.

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u/AshEliseB Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 25 '22

Jfc, that's gross. He's 28 and doesn't know to use a hand towel or a towel? At least they are easy to wash. I honestly don't know what to tell you.

He is your husband, you need to find your words and tell him it's not acceptable. I'd be throwing out the blanket and making him buy a new one each time he expects you to lie is his crusty mess.

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u/SunnydaleHigh1999 Sep 24 '22

Does this man not know what a Kleenex is?

Jesus Christ OP, why are you living with someone who is leaving several oversized cum rags around your house? It’s disgusting.

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u/Azure_727 Sep 24 '22

He knows. But some men have cum kinks that involve cumming on/in things or people. In this case, he enjoys violating her boundaries by cumming on stuff that she asked him not to, intentionally, because he feels sexually excited by her reaction to it.

In 5 years time she'll be back, finally divorcing him because she finds out he has been ejaculating in her food. Wait and see.

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u/twistedspin Sep 24 '22

This is exactly it. He has other choices & he's actively seeking this one out, even when she makes it difficult for him.

This is creepy AF.

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u/Azure_727 Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

it's completely twisted.

Next he'll be cumming on her clothes which she will only discover once she is wearing them, then in her food.

This happened a few months ago.

TL;DR man keeps a cum jar, wife finds it, throws it away. Transpires husband has been mixing his rancid old jizz in pancake batter which he then feeds her.

Edit: Even worse. A school teacher fed her class cupcakes after her husband ejaculated in the batter.

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u/Elon_is_musky Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

Jfc. Reminds me of that situation where a wife found out via her husband’s icloud being open that he’s been recording himself jizzing in his assistant’s food, then recorded her eating it.

ETA: if anyone has the link to that please post it! I saved it ages ago but can’t find it, & I’m curious how it worked out🥺

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u/Azure_727 Sep 24 '22

There was also the abhorrent case of a school teacher who fed cupcakes to her class that had her husbands jizz in them.

Edited my OP with the link to that little gem.

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u/Devout--Atheist Sep 24 '22

The cupcake jizzer was a cop, what a surprise. And he also only got a year in prison, another big surprise.

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u/Sapphyria Sep 24 '22

I'd be throwing out the whole man but that's just me.

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u/Amiiboid Sep 24 '22

He's 28 and doesn't know to use a hand towel or a towel?

He knows. He either doesn’t care or actively, um, gets off on it. (Beyond the literal meaning.)

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u/EmilyU1F984 Sep 24 '22

Exactly he knows. And purposefully picking it up from the floor means he gets off of it.

Being a lazy slob would mean jerking off onto random shit.

Not ekaculating on your wives favorite comforter after she‘s expeessedly told you, she doesn‘t want you to all while specifically selecting it for your deed. Instead of just taking a random item that‘s nearby.

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u/SoVeryLittleTimeLeft Sep 24 '22

Disgusting!

This is not the only massive red flag in your, “relationship.” I guarantee it.

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u/B4cteria Sep 24 '22

From the post and comments, he doesn't do laundry, doesn't look after the baby and doesn't care jackshit about OP's requests.

I'd personally throw him out, he is disgusting, lazy and disrespectful, being content having a live in nanny and cleaner. OP is not confrontational, they she can look for a lawyer to serve him divorce paper.

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u/recyclopath_ Sep 24 '22

What is the point of a husband like this? What could he possibly add to the household that makes it worth dealing with that many more messes and problems like that?

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u/gentletrenchwench Sep 24 '22

I am starting to reconsider. I don't think he was always getting away with having the easier share but maybe looking back I was just too blind to see.

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u/recyclopath_ Sep 24 '22

I'd do a thought exercise OP. Clear your mind of all the nuances of your current day to day. Blank slate.

What does a partner feel like? Look like? Act like? Make you feel like?

Think about your life with someone who lightens your load. Who cares as much as you do. Who you can trust to take care of things.

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u/inescapablenightmare Sep 24 '22

Yes, this is such excellent advice.

When I was thinking of breaking up, the future felt like an empty void. Almost like a type of dying.

Creative thinking can help prevent that. You will keep on living… just without him. Imagine coming home to only your own mess. Wouldn’t that be easier? Women in these situations often report being single as easier as they have less emotional and physical labor to perform.

Imagine being at peace, enjoying time at home alone, letting yourself just have down time, no one to clean up after except you and the baby. Life gets a lot better, faster than you think.

And divorce doesn’t have to be the worst thing ever either. You can only contact each other through a lawyer. If you’re afraid of verbal abuse. Though if he texts you abuse you’d want to keep that as evidence.

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u/Kbts87 Sep 24 '22

To pile on to this thought experiment, I'd also suggest that you imagine someone else in your shoes. Let's say it's a close friend dealing with this. What advice would you give her?

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u/sagegreenowl Sep 24 '22

Hun you are also young…get out now before you start to believe there couldn’t be anything better out there for you, worn down by time and the mundane comfort of routine. I was 24 when I divorced my abusive first husband and had a 9 month old but it had to be done. I went through some tough years after that but I got through and have since been married for ten years to someone who treats me like an equal and we respect each other—not like this dynamic where he is lazy, disrespectful, and it sounds like abusive, if not physically then emotionally/psychologically.

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u/Bellaraychel Sep 24 '22 Silver Helpful Take My Energy

Why are you with this person? I read your comments and had some observations. He doesn’t pull his weight with household chores or with your child, it sounds like he may be an angry person since you have to be sure to only talk to him when he’s in a good mood (maybe abusive?), he purposefully makes messes knowing he doesn’t have to clean them up and he actively seeks out jerking off in your blanket despite you telling him not to. He wants to piss you off, his kink is jerking off on your blanket and watching you clean up after him. That’s demeaning. I think that could possibly be indicative that he also doesn’t seem to care about what you don’t consent to.

I think you seriously need to consider leaving him. Otherwise you’ll be taking care of your house, your child, him and his cum blankets.

You’ve already asked him to stop and he won’t. I think a better use of your time would be to plan your exit. Only you can make that choice, though.

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u/Negative-Day-8061 Sep 24 '22 Helpful

Bumping this book recommendation up to the top level and giving you a link to the PDF. This does not sound like a safe or healthy relationship.

Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft

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u/jennydancingawayy Sep 24 '22

He does the laundry in your house right? RIGHT?

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u/gentletrenchwench Sep 24 '22

Hahaha funny joke. I am having a hard time.

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u/No_Substance8119 Sep 24 '22

Sorry but from your post and your comments… what do you even get out of this relationship???

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u/Curlyqpgh Sep 24 '22

Extra work and disrespect.

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u/Uncynical_Diogenes Sep 24 '22

All the isolation of being alone without the solace!

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u/copper_rainbows Sep 24 '22

Lol I was just talking to someone about this last night.

Being lonely sucks.

Being lonely while in a relationship reallllly sucks

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u/Substantial_Sink5975 Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

Mm my personal favourite. With a side serving of semen-encrusted blanket.

This is depressing.

And the fact you are so concerned about having to address this with them says a lot about his personality. You shouldn’t be afraid to bring up to your husband that you don’t want his jizz on your blanket.

It’s gross and disrespectful and you shouldn’t have to tell him. It’s eerie - like it’s a power move.

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u/canitakemybraoffyet Sep 24 '22

Are you married to a 13 year old boy??? Seriously lady, think long and hard about your answer to this question because I've never seen a grown man act this much a fool.

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u/ktkutthroat Sep 24 '22

Even my 13 year old does his own laundry. Probably for this exact reason, because, you know, the normal human instinct is to keep that mess private as possible.

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u/kick4kix Sep 24 '22

My 13 yo son would be horrified by this behaviour.

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u/Still-Contest-980 Sep 24 '22

Op ask yourself how you would react to your friend telling you about their partner doing this to them, and not pulling their weight around the house ontop of that.

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u/Pennyfeather46 Sep 24 '22

Yea, just say “You need to wash this or buy me a new one. You ruined it after I asked you to stop.”

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u/jennydancingawayy Sep 24 '22

Baby he needs to be doing the laundry. That’s disgusting. You shouldn’t have to be cleaning that up, it’s the equivalent of you free bleeding all over the bed during your period and making him clean it Up . It’s disrespectful on his part

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u/Three3Jane Sep 24 '22

I mean, not even free bleeding. You can't exactly control your period or how much or when it comes out.

This is more like free bleeding AND intentionally dragging your nethers all over his blankets (and getting off while you do it!)

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u/apidelie Sep 24 '22

Yeah I feel like it's more equivalent to taking a shit on his blanket. Regularly, intentionally. Ugh

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u/SureAsGodsGotSandals Sep 24 '22 Silver

Start using his blanket as a menstrual pad.

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u/Reyca444 Sep 24 '22 Take My Money

Use his blanket to clean up during your period. See how he likes the sharing of body fluids.

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u/bigtiddymoth7 Sep 24 '22

I was thinking shove his nose in it next time. Act like an animal get treated like an animal.

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u/stormyknight3 Sep 24 '22

Bahahahahaha!! I do not recommended this sort of passive aggressive approach, but comedically it’s perfect

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u/only1genevieve Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

OP, I've read your post and comments. This is a major issue but I think there are underlying problems to address.

My first suggestion is to read this book, "Why Does he Do That?" By Lundy Bancroft https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

My second suggestion is to visit @Mahamaven on TikTok, and really think about what she says: You deserve love. You deserve to be treated well. And a man who truly loves you would treat you well.

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u/aireeeka Sep 24 '22

I don't know what you should do about the blanket thing, but one thing really stood out to me in your post.

Crying does not make you weak. Society has conditioned us to believe that crying is a negative reaction but it's not, it's simply a way your body deals with strong emotions. Crying openly is a sign of strength, you are willing to be vulnerable and that takes courage when the world is telling you to bottle it up. Let yourself feel your emotions without shame.

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u/AndromedaRulerOfMen Sep 24 '22

He's getting sexual gratification from violating your boundaries.

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u/TheShitMasterGeneral Sep 24 '22

I would bare-ass wet fart on his fucking pillow until the musty devil gets pinkeye. Jerking off on your personal blanket is disrespectful as hell. You gonna snuggle down one night, and pull a crusty right across your face. Nobody wants that. Tell him if he does it one more time you'll tell his mother. On Facebook.

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u/SyrensVoice Sep 24 '22

I would straight up invite his mom over to visit the grandkids then drop the cum stained blanket on his lap and tell him to do his own laundry from now on if he insists on wanking into all the blankets. Make sure mom hears then sit down and offer her coffee. But that's just me. Lol

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '22

If you don’t want confrontation, wait until he’s at work, pack up, and leave. No words or explanations needed. This is disgusting behavior from a grown ass adult. I would not even be able to be attracted to my partner anymore if they did this. No point in trying to mend it, in my opinion. Who wants to be with the equivalent of a large misbehaved 12 year old for the rest of their life?

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u/zipzapzoppizzazz Sep 24 '22

I think that about so many of these posts. Blatant disrespect really kills my desire personally.

I don’t think OP will take this advice, but I think this is one of the rare situations where just leaving without a confrontation might actually be the right move. Reading OP’s comments, this man does nothing while she takes care of everything, so he sure as shit isn’t going to want her to leave his ass until he finds a new bangmaid. Especially since she already struggles with confrontation, he’s very likely to gaslight her or say whatever she needs to hear and then keep doing whatever he wants.

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u/no_ovaries_ Sep 24 '22

I'm seeing in the comments that you're doing a disproportionate amount of relationship/domestic work and he doesn't even respect you enough to stop jerking off on your blankets? What exactly does this guy bring to the relationship that is positive?

Simply leaving any material that has cum on it laying around is grounds for me to dump a man. It's disrespectful, unhygienic, and at that point I have to wonder about a serious porn addiction. But if a guy deliberately jerked off on to my things, that alone would make him unworthy of any relationship with me. It is a huge sign of disrespect and honestly really does point to him having a problem with masturbation if he can't even be hygienic or respectful or decent in how he goes about doing it.

I have to ask, is this a man you seriously want to spend the rest of your life with? I mean this with total respect and love for you, but I think you deserve better treatment than this.

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u/makethispass Sep 24 '22

Does your down comforter at least have a duvet cover?

Down is so hard to wash too!! Wtfff

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u/Miro_the_Dragon Sep 24 '22

He is not respecting you and is GOING OUT OF HIS WAY TO OVERSTEP YOUR BOUNDARY!!!

You waiting until he is "in a good mood" to talk to him is another massive red flag. Him not helping you take care of your baby is another one.

Seriously, if I were you, at this point I'd be making a secret and safe exit plan for myself and the baby, and get the fuck out of this toxic relationship. There is no way in telling which of your boundaries he'll violate next just because he feels like it.

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u/Manwithnoname14 Sep 24 '22

What the fuck!? Why a blanket?? I masturbate too but a blanket? Even if you said towel, i would kind of understand but that's insane. Tissues exist. This is s man who doesn't expect to clean up after himself.

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u/Atrocity108 Sep 24 '22

Anyone have bleach for my eyeballs?

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u/SiuanSongs Sep 24 '22 edited Sep 24 '22

There's a lot here....

decided I would bring it up while he was in a good mood.

How often do you feel like you need to walk on eggshells around him?

How do I approach telling my husband to stop jerking off into my blanket?

I casually said I knew he was using my blanket and asked him to stop.

Honey. You already confronted him about it. He's made it clear that he doesn't care about what you want or what you have to say. I'm sorry, but it does not sound like anything you'll say will stick.

i have a down comforter.

Why tf is he using what's probably the most ungainly and hard to maneuver blanket in the house to masterbate with? Sounds like he only wants to use it because it's yours and he's marking his territory.

I wake up with our little one a couple hours before he does every weekend (a whole other issue) so he uses that time with my blanket if he gets the opportunity.

Soo...while your waking up early to care for your child, he's jerking off???????

I too get really emotional and cry when confronting people, or even sharing something personal that hurts. It's normal. You are NOT weak! I'd really recommend you to get into therapy to talk about some of these things with a professional. What isn't normal is to be afraid to ask such a simple request as not cumming in your blanket. Something is off with your husband.

I also saw that he's not doing any laundry...what exactly are you getting from this relationship?

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u/Azure_727 Sep 24 '22

Your man has a cum fetish that involves a non consenting participant. He seems to take pleasure in doing this to you even after you were clear this isn't acceptable. Let this go on and you'll be back telling us he's been secretly jizzing in your food, wait and see.

Bring back kink shaming, the man is repulsive.

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u/SmadaSlaguod Sep 24 '22

You already told him. At this point, he's doing it BECAUSE you don't want him to. This is massively disgusting, the entire blanket thing is so gross. Tell a friend who is confident enough to go to him and read him for the filth he is. If he complains that you told someone else, tell him that you asked him to stop and he WENT OUT OF HIS WAY to do it more. If you find another cum stain on ANY blanket, you'll start hanging them on the front porch for strangers to see.

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u/sativa_samurai Sep 24 '22

There are college boys jacking off eight times a day who are leaving less of a mess than your grown husband. Tell him to get his shit together and use some toilet paper and just fucking flush it or throw it away after

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u/Ill-Dragonfruit-1023 Sep 24 '22

I feel like comments thus far haven’t been super helpful. They all agree it’s gross to do it on your blanket and want you to confront him loud and aggressive because your first attempt didn’t work. Well. As a soul sister of the avoid confrontation at all cost and high emotion crier, I feel you and know that won’t happen. So here would be my suggestion. Write down everything you want to say. Bullet point, script, however you want to look at it. Have detailed points about what the behavior is, why you don’t like it, why it needs to stop, a reminder you’ve already asked for it to stop, and specific details about this is a boundary for you that you will not tolerate and what will happen if he does not respect it. Practice saying it out loud. Over and over. Like the ABC’s repeating it until it’s memorized. Practice the confidence in your voice and where you want to have inflection and emphasis. Record yourself practicing and watch it back to help see the weak points to practice some more. This should help you feel better about it. It could just take an hour or two and I know with a little this might be hard but if there’s someone that could watch them for a bit so you can do this or if they are young enough and you could just go for a drive and practice it in the car or something that would work too.

I hope he figures it out and realizes you’re more important than his dick….

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u/amymariag Sep 24 '22

Thank you for this helpful comment! I wanted to add on. Confrontations will start getting easier if you do this and practice. Anxiety about it is normal and expected. Once your body sees that confrontation does not equal danger a few times, the anxiety will lessen. You have to build those neuropathways though. You can google I statements to help like this: https://www.google.com/search?q=i+statements&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS991US994&hl=en-US&prmd=ivn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjL0KrI0636AhVjUjABHX_hAj4Q_AUoAXoECAIQAQ#imgrc=pCzOZQl8MdZT4M

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u/gentletrenchwench Sep 24 '22

This is great advice too! I really like this example.

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u/_FreshOuttaFucks_ Sep 24 '22

I see you've received some solid advice and are replying positively to it. I, too, avoid confrontation and am a high-emotion crier, and I hate it, so I understand it's difficult for you. I just want to add something I've not seen yet: it is crucial you begin to stand up for yourself or you will end up with a child who has either been taught to take shit from her man endlessly or treat his spouse like absolute shit. I know you want neither, so.when it feels too tough to be assertive, remember what you are modeling for your child. You got this!

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u/gentletrenchwench Sep 24 '22

Thank you very much, I already overanalyze everything I do but maybe rehearsal of what I plan to say would help. I just wish he would treat me like I treat him.

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u/RenierReindeer Sep 24 '22

>I just wish he would treat me like I treat him.

This is a glaring red flag op. You should both be striving to treat each other better today than you did yesterday. Reciprocal growth in loving and communicating with each other is the foundation of a solid relationship.

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u/Lulumaegolightly Sep 24 '22

Those are all good tips just given!! I would keep in mind that you consistently standing up for yourself will model to your children what self respect and healthy boundaries are. That is where you find the strength to go out of your comfort zone in times like these!!!

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u/ehlersohnos Sep 24 '22

Also practice things to say if he tries to avoid, reflect, or deflect. Things like “no, it’s important to me that you understand how I feel right now” or “I need you to listen and empathize with me right now” or even “I’m talking right now please”.

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u/Augustmoonn Sep 24 '22

Old cum smells terrible too! I don't really have any advice, but based on your comments this dude gets off on demeaning you. I'm really sorry.

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u/LastShift9999 Sep 24 '22

The fact that you felt the need to include “I waited until he was in a good mood to ask him” should be another red flag out of several mentioned in this post, OP. Sounds like there’s a bit more going on than just a lack of respect and general hygiene in your home and marriage. Something to consider. Best of luck to you, and please update if you remember!

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u/Kasmirque Sep 24 '22

Stop doing any excess work for this man child. Don’t do his laundry. Don’t be quiet so he can sleep in. Don’t buy groceries for him. Don’t cook for him. He’s been making your life hard, time to return the favor.

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u/herculepoirot4ever Sep 24 '22

Nothing about this relationship is healthy. He defiles your things. He ignores your boundaries. He’s not a good parent or partner and doesn’t share the mental or physical load of housekeeping and childcare. You have to wait for him to be in a “good” mood to have discussions.

Imagine a life where you get up to a clean house with your baby and never have to step over a crusty cum blanket again.

That’s the life you can have.

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u/Verbenaplant Sep 24 '22

He needs a box of tissues.

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u/Embryw Sep 24 '22

A grown ass man is using a BLANKET instead of Kleenex? That's disgusting. He's disgusting and should feel bad. Please show him my comment.

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u/BeanutPutter24 Sep 24 '22

Dust your blanket in cayenne pepper and see what happens.

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u/Affectionate-Match67 Sep 24 '22

What a disgusting pig.