I’ve just returned home from a trans vaginal ultrasound to determine if the findings of a recent CT scan were uterine fibroids or not.
I’d explained the process and procedure to my husband before I left.
Upon my return, his first words to me were, “Did you guy a good fucking?”
I was foolishly thinking he’d ask how it had gone. Nope. Maybe even express some sympathy. Oh no.
I wish I could have told him that’s an awful thing to say, maybe even to explain why it made me choke up and want to vomit; but in that moment I couldn’t muster up any wit at all, much less to explain how unpleasantly vile I was feeling.
So I glossed over it. And he’s taking a nap while I type to Reddit with a choking feeling in my throat and a runny nose, refusing to cry.
Hey guys, good news!! I got sterilized!
As soon as I heard Roe V Wade was overturned, I called my doctor and told them I wanted a tubal. They set me up with an appointment at my obgyn to discuss it, and the first woman I talked to was amazing and listened to every reason i wanted it done with no issue. The next appointment, with the surgeon/physician who did my surgery was the same!!
I just wanted to share some good news, that you can be young (I'm 23), not have any kids, AND be taken seriously!!
I am awfully sore now though.
Edit: I would also like to say if you have any questions about my sterilization experience (I got the fishie clamps), or any advice for others, leave a comment! I'm sure we all need encouragement with stuff like this.
Edit 2: I'll try to read and answer every comment, it just may take me a bit! Thank you all for such kind wishes!
Edit 3: FILSHIE CLAMPS thank you so much u/tiyel
I (26F) have been married to my husband (28M) for around 3 years now. I have always known and been fine with him masturbating and am aware that he uses blankets to catch his load. He has a gaming room that he has a specific blanket he uses but also would use another smaller blanket or his own for our bedroom before work or on weekends. We use separate blankets as we have different preferences and it works really well. He has a fleece blanket that he uses and i have a down comforter.
A few months back I noticed crunchy spots as I would readjust my blanket at night and decided I would bring it up while he was in a good mood. I casually said I knew he was using my blanket and asked him to stop. He did for a few weeks but it started back up over time. Currently I take my blanket out of the room with me as I tried moving it onto my side of the bed on the floor but he would go get to to complete his mission. I wake up with our little one a couple hours before he does every weekend (a whole other issue) so he uses that time with my blanket if he gets the opportunity.
The problem is I am very non-confrontational and even bringing it up the first time took some building up to. I cry at the first start of any high emotion (both sad and happy) even with coping mechanisms I have learned along the way and I feel weak because of it. If he has already not listened with me asking nicely how would you recommend asking again? How can I even reprimand that if he doesn't listen?
Anyone have any recommendations for building confidence in uncomfortable conversations?
I (30F) and my husband (35M) have been struggling with our relationship for a while now. Together for 7 years, married for 5. We are in couples counseling for the second time, which I arranged and am paying for, and husband refuses to do any of the "homework." Last weekend I found out that I am unexpectedly pregnant - first pregnancy. Like a naïve fool, I thought that maybe this would lead to renewed commitment from him and a new chapter for us. We both want kids in the next few years anyway.
Instead, he gave me an ultimatum: I get an abortion or he is divorcing me. If I get the abortion, he will go sober from cannabis immediately, "become the perfect partner and maybe things will work out between us." After a therapy session in which he laid out the ultimatum for our therapist, 3-4 crying breakdowns from me, I agreed to the abortion. I feel numb and dissociated from my body. I had excitement and love for the little life growing inside me, and now I don't even feel pregnant. The desire for motherhood has evaporated, and honestly I don't know if I even want to be a parent ever. It seems that I can't pick a good partner and am not strong enough to stand up for my unborn child.
It doesn't seem smart to bring a child into the world whose father doesn't want him. Part of me wants to cut my losses, move into my mother's basement, and never speak to him again. Part of me wants to keep trying to make it work.
I'm on mobile and ugly crying so this is gonna be messy.
Do . Not. Ever. Make someone a priority while you are only their option.
Today is my birthday. I am a stay at home/disabled mom of 2 boys and been married for 10 years. My boys are 10 and 8. Old enough to do things on their own. Have their own thoughts. Plans. Feelings. But all they've seen is me give up EVERYTHING and devote my every waking thought to their needs desires wants. I anticipate everything before they even ask. I do everything to make every little thing as special as possible. For all 3 of them. It's all they know.
I have lost my entire identity to being a wife and mom. I gave up my career health and friends being the default parent to a son who's behavior is so poor he can't last a week in a daycare/after school program. While my husband goes out at least once a week. My husband gets head at least weekly because I like my loved ones to feel... loved. It's his preferred sexual interaction. But I have to nag and beg for sex or even for him to kiss me while I masterbate. I'm telling you this so you can get an idea of how little my happiness or needs are thought of. And no, not even on my birthday will he think of me in any capacity
I spend 90 percent of my day alone, isolated in a small town with no friends or family because it's where his work is amd where my boys school is. I put their needs above mine.
And every year I set the bar lower because every year they never do anything.
Today? All I asked was to not be alone. I don't care if I have to do all the chores and parenting. I just don't want to be alone.
I woke my husband up st 5 6 amd 7. Then gave up. My kids got up at 7. I started making a giant homemade feast of a breakfast. By myself. They went and turned on cartoons without so much of a hug or saying happy birthday while my husband sleeps in for the 2nd day in a row. They ate their breakfast while I bawled in the kitchen.
I'm upstairs. No one has said a thing snd even if they do now, it's too little too late. Its not just my birthday when it's convenient for you.
Society told me being a wife and mother would make me happy. But it's taken every bit of self worth... confidence... love... identity... energy amd given nothing back
Support Referred to a male specialist who immediately wanted to do a vaginal ultrasound despite me repeatedly telling him I have never been sexually active, and clearly being uncomfortable with the situation
So for some background: I’ve been suffering from severe period pains and after visiting my regular gyno, she suspects endometriosis and told me about available options out there including surgery to remove the cysts. After discussing she recommended I visit a male specialist. I’ve never been to a male gyno but as he is apparently one of the few in my area who does this procedure I thought I would go see him and just discuss the option further.
So I scheduled a consultation and finally went to see him today.
After asking a few background questions (including if I was sexually active, to which I clearly stated I have never been) he immediately asked me to get undressed and told me he wanted to do a vaginal ultrasound.
I was probably visibly caught off guard by this and I told him again that I’ve never been sexually active, but he kept insisting that “that’s fine” and “I’ll be gentle” as if he was going to talk me into it, which just made the whole situation more uncomfortable for me. If I didn’t want to do it he should have just stopped asking right there and then.
I eventually made it clear that I just wanted to discuss my options today which got him to finally stop pressuring me, but instead switch to a very passive aggressive attitude while he answered the few questions I had before wrapping up the visit.
I left feeling horrible about the whole experience. If this is supposed to be normal I honestly don’t see myself visiting a male gyno ever again.
For some reason I’m worried he might see this post or have it shared to him but I really need advice so that’s just the risk I guess.
My boyfriend has SEVERE separation anxiety, to the point where I can’t go to sleep early because he can’t sleep at an earlier time, and if I crash from drinking coffee he gets really upset the morning after. If I get out of bed early in the morning (before 9am), he will get up and look for me, asking me to come back to bed.
My boyfriend has been paranoid I’ll leave him, but justifiably so. He owes me a lot of money, struggles to clean and cook despite how often I’ve even tried to “teach” him to alleviate my workload, will rely on my asthma inhalers unless I contact the doctors for him, needs me to do his groceries (asks “do we have anything in?” when I’m at HIS house) etc etc.
He’s been in long term relationships since he was 14, and gets heavily suicidal if he’s single. He was on antidepressants after his last relationship ended but he told me he stopped taking them after we met because he had me now. I’ve been trying to urge him into therapy since he told me that but after 3 years I’ve noticed he thinks I’m just emotionally distant and that I need to be more attached like him, actually.
He is a little emotionally manipulative though and he doesn’t understand that he is. I can’t communicate about our issues with him without him crying, and I feel so guilty I take it back and apologise. For example, he was staying with me and he planned a night out for us on my birthday last year with a friend I’d told him I was not in a good place with. She was really bad for my mental health and mocked me constantly to other people. When he told me about the plan he set up, I was surprised and reminded him I was trying to cut this friend off. He started crying about how he can’t do anything right and I said no no it’s okay no. When we went out, he got drunk and paranoid that I wanted to cheat on him with the bartender, security guard and the bus driver. I tried to reassure him. My friend perpetuated that fear and shouted at me, saying that sometimes I just need to listen to what I’ve done wrong rather than look for excuses. She shouted so loudly at the bar that the security guards discreetly asked me if they should call the police. My boyfriend made a sad face, like :(, and my friend was reassuring him. I broke up with him when we got back, and he spent all night crying and singing along to songs that reminded him of me. I took him back in the morning because I couldn’t deal with the guilt of his crying and pleading, especially since it triggered me of childhood trauma.
That was over a year ago, though. The thing is, I refused to spend my birthday this year with him because of that. He’s never gotten me a gift (even like something quick he’s made like origami, idk) or a card or spent my birthday doing anything I like. He thinks cuddling, having sex and kissing all day is enough. I try to nudge him to be more romantic but he says he doesn’t know how to. His parents are the same and he doesn’t have many friends in relationships, but he should surely see what I do in terms of making him know I love him through notes and gifts and return some of that?
I haven’t seen him properly in a couple of months anyway since I’ve been focusing on my mental health and trying to uncouple. I’ve told him I need time apart, but he doesn’t hear me. He spams me anyway and calls me a lot. I ignore it anyway because I feel so burned out. He sent me this message last night: [edited to remove the text as I’m worried about this post getting back to him - he basically tells me in a paragraph how much he loves me, how he misses me and can’t handle being apart any longer, asks me to turn on my location tracking and says that when he has the money he will buy me a new phone so I can keep my location on all the time]
How the hell do I break up with him when he seems to not see or understand why this relationship isn’t sustainable for me? I want to break up over text. I'm worried I will try to leave but his pleading and crying will again leave me really really triggered. I don't know if I should explain myself to him in one message or if I owe him a back and forth discussion about breaking up? I have never broken up with someone (effectively) before and I'm worried. I'm only NOW in life learning I have a right to boundaries and I haven't yet learned how to emotionally handle enforcing them, since I'm a people pleaser from CPTSD.
I was at a show last night with my husband. A random drunk guy walked up to us, looks me right in the face and said "I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you look so serious". He then turned to my husband and said "just enjoy your life mate". Husband replied sarcastically "thanks for the advice pal", and we walked away. I guess the implication was because I wasn't smiling, I must be ruining my partner's life. I have a naturally serious face I guess and this interaction was really horrible.
I'm now angry with myself for not sticking up for myself more. What are your go to lines for these types of stupid controlling comments?
I guess title. I’m 26 and I’m not sure how old he is, maybe late 50s to 60s but I’m really bad at gauging ages.
Context: I work at a daycare open til close. I’m usually there with one other co-worker til close, everyone else is day shift hours. Also relevant, I’ve been trying to be more charismatic because I feel like being the “quiet girl” has done me no good and has only served to get me accused of things just because people assume I am unfriendly and therefore have bad intentions.
So the grandad - he’s just been flirting with me for a few days and I’m too weird to tell him to stop. Yesterday I think he got pissed that I told him I’m not allowed to “fraternize” and he’s like “I’m not one of your customers”.
He was eyeing me up hard yesterday. Like the kinda gaze you can feel pierce through you. He wouldn’t leave Wednesday without me giving him an answer if I would give him my number. The only way I could get him to leave was telling him I’d think about it.
I don’t wanna piss him off or anything but I also don’t wanna date anyone associated with my job. I don’t know if he’s coming today and I’m dreading more interactions with him. I haven’t told anyone but my friend that I’m uncomfortable with this as I don’t wanna make a scene. I feel like I started this when I entertained him but I’m just really tone deaf and anxious. I’m sure it will fizzle out so I’m mostly just venting.
Edit: I didn’t expect so many responses, I kinda made the post and dipped but I’ve been reading the responses when I could. Thank you all so much for your help and advice!
I want to add some additional context for those of you asking why I didn’t turn him down immediately: I am NOT used to being flirted with. Between being plus sized and having a resting bitch face, I’m usually left alone. Not really made to feel ugly but I don’t get many whom even try and I’m usually fine with that.
He is a very nice looking man, under different circumstances I might have let him take me out, but I have a very hard stance on dating people from work. Additionally, I’m pretty wary of older men even though I’m attracted to them merely because their expectations make me very nervous. All of that probably went into making me come across way more playful and interested than I was and again, I feel I’m partially at fault for that. Sorry for any misunderstanding.
I’ll do my best to respond to everyone and I will update this post if I see him again. Thanks!
Update 1 of (hopefully) 1: Okay he did come today but nothing came of it as I let other employees handle seeing the child out of the door. I pretty much dipped as soon as I saw him and he left right away. The others joked that they won’t cover for me next time. I will do my best to tell everyone that I’m uncomfortable. I’m usually such a headstrong and strict person here, somehow I feel weak telling them this, but I know it doesn’t make me. It’s just weird since I’m not used to this.
Hello y'all, your sub seems super supportive so I figured I'd come here to vent about something really upsetting.
1st some quick backstory. My daughter emma has Aspergers and is very sensitive. I love my daughter more than anything but I've felt so guilty in my inability to prepare her for life. She got her 1st period at 9 and as you can imagine, she didn't handle it well. Even now she will avoid wearing pads at all costs. I've had to pick her up from school several times because she'll leak through her pants.
Her chest developed fairly early as well. I have yet to buy her a bra because well she says she hates them and that they're so uncomfortable. I don't mind her not wearing a bra, she mostly wears baggy clothes anyway. But unfortunately, my daughters school isn't so open minded which leads us to today's problem.
I've gotten messages from the principal saying that if Emma doesn't dress appropriately, she'll get detention. I've been trying to resolve the issue with Emma's IEP teacher but it's been slow going. On Friday, Emma came home from school crying. She said that she had lunch with the principal and was forced to put on a bra. Apparently one of the office ladies decided it was appropriate to coerce my daughter into putting on a sports bra from the lost n found. Frankly it's amazing she didn't have a meltdown because Emma can get very emotional about clothing.
I've been in contact with the school blasting them for how they handled the situation. I'm ashamed to sat it, but I used the event to try and convince Emma that maybe it's time to go bra shopping. Now Emma thinks I'm on the school's side and it's put a wedge between us. I'm just so upset and furious, Emma is a straight A student and never causes trouble. To think that the school would force this issue really disgusts me.
Edit: Emma goes to a private school
Support My ex stalked me for 6+ months and only stopped after my dad, a man, intervened. When I asked my ex to stop he told me no, and that I didn’t know what I want.
This was like 6 years ago but I still get so pissed off about. The most chilling experiences in my life have been when I realised saying ‘no’ had no power in the situation I was in.
My story's not as intense or worthy of attention, and I'm not looking for pity or anything, I just don't have a lot of people to talk to.
Every hour I'm away my head literally feels clearer - big cliche, but it really feels like a fog is lifting. I just keep getting hit with realizations about all the lies and half-truths I was given. I feel so stupid; it was so classic, and I still fell right into it. Love-bombed, isolated, manipulated, cheated on, made financially dependent, gaslit - and any problems I had with any of that I was guilted about. And the whole time, I felt like it was my job to fix myself, to do better and be less sensitive, figure out where his behavior was coming from so I could adapt mine - because he's such a nice guy, everyone likes him, and I'm the mess to be cleaned up.
But I left. I told him I couldn't do it anymore, he tried every manipulation tactic in the book, said some awful things about me, but I still left. I reached out to some old friends and they offered to take me in, so I'm staying in their guest room now. It's just a little shoebox, I don't have any possessions but clothes and a couple books, I'm eating applesauce for dinner because I'm completely broke and jobless, but my overwhelming feeling is that of relief. I feel lighter.
Thank you to this sub for teaching me that some behavior is simply unacceptable, and it's not my job to decipher and solve it on my own. Thanks to all the women in my life who kept offering help and support even when I couldn't accept it.
Edit: Oh wow, you guys, this is so amazing. I posted and took a depression nap and woke up to this. Everyone in the comments and messages offering to buy me food is so, so sweet. Internet strangers are being more supportive of me than my family ever has been, haha. I'm feeling guilty about even including that part, had I known it would get this much attention, but I'm leaving it just to show what an incredible, generous community this is. 💖 But really, I'm okay, and I know there are people (or animals! My favorite people) who could use the money more than me.
Thank you all so much for the support, I can't tell you what it means to me. I've just been so lonely, way lonelier in that relationship than I was before, so this truly fills my heart up. Thank you.
i just feel so pathetic right now. have never felt more used or disposable. couldn’t even wait to have the decency for me to get dressed. 6 years of friendship down the drain for two week relationship lmao. just feel like i was led on and taken advantage of but according to him i need to “grow up”. as my best friend he knows that my biggest insecurity ever is a man only being into me for sex and this is what he decides to do.
edit: his birthday was last week so obviously i got him a bunch of awesome gifts, some being two concert tickets. texted him this morning and asked him to please mail me my tickets back to my house lmao
edit 2: thank you all for my first awards. such a flex. i know as a redditor that would def get under his skin. thank you all for the support. it definitely helps me feel less crazy.
edit again: feeling much much better today. prepping for some grad school stuff and looking for a therapist. it’s been long overdue :)
Just needed to brag for a moment. I have pretty extreme anxiety, and for too many years I've allowed that anxiety to keep me away from the polls. Not today! For the first time in 14 years, I conquered my anxiety and got my vote in.
Edit: You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for the validation and support. I'm honestly fighting back happy tears.
I'm a victim of a crisis pregnancy center, 26 years later.
1996, South Texas. I was 18 and 7 weeks along. A medical provider (that I thought offered abortions) convinced me that it would be a sin to end the pregnancy. (Edit: It just so happened that they had an adoption agency upstairs.) I was convinced into carrying the pregnancy to term, and by extension, giving my son up for adoption.
Half of the intro packets from adoptive parents made it clear that they would only accept child if it happened to be white.
That child is 26 years old this week. I hope he has an amazing life.
After giving him up, my life stalled. What good is a woman who can't raise her own child? It's 26 years later and I still can't breathe. I'm guilty. I'm tainted. I wasn't good enough.
When pro-lifers say that adoption is a legitimate option, they don't acknowledge the psychological damage of giving up a child.
It's been 26 years and I still cry, I still yearn, I can't move on. I was supposed to have a choice, and they took that away and replaced it with this eternally unanswerable anxiety. Is he happy? Did they give him choices?
So much has happened in five days. My original post was just supposed to be a rant, bitching into the void about an inconsequential problem, and it became so much more than that.
My partner saw my original post. It started out relatively calm after he confronted me and quickly got heated, but stayed relatively respectful.
We talked/argued for hours Saturday night. It ended around 2 in the morning with him bawling after coming to some uncomfortable realizations about not only himself, but our relationship, and who I've become as a result. We tabled it to get some sleep.
The next morning we went back and forth some more. He mostly trying to convince me that he sees the light now and things will be different and I should stay, and me pushing back that I'm no longer comfortable giving out second chances when I'm the only one running all the risk of being hurt and that everything he was saying was something I had heard before. Promises promises promises.
At this point we're tired and pretty emotionally ragged so I call for a timeout so I can recover. I ask him not to bring it up for a couple of hours and let's just relax and try to come down.
In that span of time I was informed that my best friend of 18 years had died. I understandably was....distraught...to say the least.
He tried to be there for me but I wouldn't really let him. I was simultaneously in agony and numb to the point where speaking was hard. He gave me space Sunday and Monday, and we resumed talking about our relationship again yesterday, at my behest.
He asked me if I was refusing his comfort because of our relationship talks, and I said yes, and no. No, because right now I wanted to feel the pain of Sami's death. It was a pain I had earned for loving someone for so long, and I wanted to feel it, didn't want it to be blunted in any way. But also yes, because it felt like I would be leading him on and didn't want him to feel that way.
We talked very frankly for a couple of hours. He was still trying to convince me that things would be different and to stay, and me saying I'm not comfortable with that.
What we have resolved now is this:
I will be staying in our home to the end of the lease, not only to gather my finances and find my own place, but to help him adjust his own finances so he won't be left hanging (this is the best option for everyone, especially the kids. They shouldn't suffer just so I can get out faster)
At the end of the lease I am moving into my own place. I let him know that this was the only way I could feel comfortable, safe, and secure for the following points
We would attend couples counseling, his request. I let him know that right off the bat our goals would be different during this process. His goal is to save our relationship. Mine would be to come to terms together with what has happened and its impact on our lives and to find closure
I would remain in his life while in my own place to assess whether changes had been made. I would not allow any further mistreatment, and this was not a promise to resume our relationship at the end of my solo lease
This isn't a super satisfying update, I know. I am moving forward, trying to acquiesce both his needs and mine. I think for now making the plans to live separately and seek counseling is as good as anyone could hope for.
Thank you everyone for your advice and perspective. I can't express how much it all meant to me
I have been with the same man for the last five years. As any relationship we got good and bad moments. One of the bad was my jealousy of a woman of his past. He agreed to dont contact her anymore, it passed. We moved on.
Fast forward four years, he are having a tough month, I have this constant PSM and am an overall bitch. Way different than I am usually. I start doing tests and find you a cancer messing up with my hormones. On this same day I find out he started talking to her again.
We passed through a hell of a week. He refused to take me to the hospital because he was pissed of of my temper and jealousy. She uses fake telegram apps to send fake texts to him that we never exchanged he believes her and says he isn't breaking up because of her, but because he can't stand me anymore.
I have that shit messing up with me. I have literally a cancer messing up my hormones and behavior. And he leaves. I know I'm probably better off but I've never expected to be abandoned in such a way.
I don't even want to fight the cancer anymore.
I got home from a long work trip and almost the instant I walked through the door, my husband said he was leaving me. I am 14 weeks pregnant with a child we both were trying for. Once I went upstairs to cry, he followed and asked for an abortion. He even had the nerve to try and manipulate me into thinking I wanted it so I could have a “clean slate with someone who wants children with me”. I’m completely heartbroken, betrayed, and coming to terms of raising my daughter by myself. Turns out what I thought was great communication was just an exercise in lying.
What do I need to do next? We just bought a house together last year but we have separate bank accounts. I’ve moved in with my parents for now, but I want to cut everything off as soon as possible. Any advice is appreciated.
EDIT: Thank you all so much for your advice and comments. I’m looking into a lawyer, I’m surprised I didn’t think to do that right away. Part of me kinda hopes there is another woman so this makes more sense. My therapist has upped our sessions for the moment. Just going step by step at this point. Thanks again all
I'm having a baby in January. My boyfriend left me and wants nothing to do with it. I'm a senior in college and have no job. My dad has offered to help with the baby but I just don't feel ready to care for a baby at all and I'm just over it, as ashamed as I am to admit that. I'm considering asking my older sister and her husband if they'd be interested in taking the baby. I know she's wanted a baby. They don't have kids, but she wants them. I haven't run this idea by anyone yet. My biggest worry is that my sister lives in Florida while I'm in California, and if she's interested but her husband isn't that's going to really hurt their marriage and I don't want to be responsible for that.
I just wanted to vent and reach out to some female perspective. My mom died when I was 7 so I can't lean on her. I'd love to here from anyone who's experienced something like this if they're out there.
We haven’t been “fighting” about our differences, but I’ve been questioning my faith and unhappy with our marriage and my religious beliefs for some time. When I first went to him to try to work through these issues, he suggested I have a zoom meeting with our pastor. I felt shamed and coerced into abandoning all the questions, concerns, and doubts I was having.
I went to talk to my husband one more time before I made my decision. I asked him what he would think if “hypothetically” I still was unsure about our religion and the dynamics of our marriage. His response was something I’d been fearing in the back of my mind. He said he had been worried ever since we moved that I might not be able to handle living away from our families and our community. He also said that he’d been missing his own family anyway, and that at the end of the semester (I’m a teacher), he wanted us to move back home. Once we were back home, he said we’d be better able to work through my problems.
It was the absolutely last thing I wanted to hear. I love my job, I love my students, and I love all the non-religious aspects of my life. I decided to take some of the advice I received on here earlier. I pretended. I pretended that I was ok with that decision, and I pretended to pray with my husband about it.
The next day I went to my coworker (who I have become close to and good friends with; some online commenters have suggested too close with) and told him what happened. He asked me what my thoughts were about all of it, and I kind of emotionally unloaded on him. I even cried a little, which was a bit embarrassing.
He was perfect though. He and I came up with a plan. Knowing I get paid every two weeks, after my next paycheck came, he helped me set up a new bank account with direct deposit of my check. He talked to his sister, and her and her husband are going to let me stay at their house while I save up enough money on my own to afford a temporary place. He helped me talk to the administration at my work about what was going on, and to not let my husband or anyone they didn’t know to have access to the building or to my information. He also put me in contact with a divorce lawyer, and I have just begun that process. I’ve also spent the last few days sneaking out some of my clothes into my classroom, so that when I do finally leave next week, I won’t have to have left everything behind.
My husband leaves for a work trip on Monday for a day and a half. I’ll be leaving him a note and moving out then. I’m nervous. I’m scared. I know I’ll have to have absolutely no contact with my family and my friends from back home. I know my husband will be upset and probably even blindsided. I know some people will see this as a cowardly way to go about leaving my husband, and some of you will be disappointed that I’m not making more of an effort to work it out with him. But I really think this is the best for both of us. I’ll be working to save up enough money to get a new place to live and to begin therapy as soon as I can.
tl;dr Talked to my husband again. He wanted to move us back home to our families and communities, so I decided it was time to leave him.
Good afternoon all.
I (F) work in an office with a mixture of men and women. We all either get along well or tolerate each other depending on the employee. The employee in the title is a male and is a friend.
Last week I walked over to him to show him something on my phone and he was watching porn, and closed the screen quickly. He doesn't know that I saw, and I did not react to it. I'm no prude, it didn't shock me, but there's a time and a place and it's not at work where other staff or customers can see.
I decided to report it to our manager the next day after debating whether I should report it and I made a written statement. This afternoon as I start my shift he's being led away by management on suspension.
I feel so guilty and sick. I'm struggling with why I feel like this. If I had let him continue anyone else could have seen it. My manager says I've done the right thing but I can't shake feeling like I should have kept my mouth shut.
Heyy so we’ve been together for 2 years and he makes a lot of comments that I consider bodyshaming, but since he says it in an advice kind of way I worry maybe I’m just over reacting especially if that’s not his intent. But so leading up to this dating was always hard, I don’t have that difficult of a time finding matches on dating apps but it would always be guys who told me they were into plus sized women, they’d flirt with me and such, if I eventually sent pics they’d ghost me soon after. A lot of them didn’t want to meet in public or go on dates either but wanted to hook up. So I think a lot of them are only into bigger girls privately but wouldn’t actually want a relationship.
When I first met my boyfriend he told me he preferred plus sized girls, he said he loved my big butt, etc and just generally made me feel good about my body. We went on dates and everything and were even “official” before we got intimate. So I felt like he for sure wasn’t using me like previous guys. As our relationship went on though he’s started kind of bodyshaming me, since he himself is really fit he has been asking me to exercise with him and diet and saying I need to lose weight.
He makes a lot of remarks about my clothes like I’m quite into fashion and do spend a lot on clothes and he says I shouldn’t buy so much because if I lose weight it won’t fit anymore and normally I shrugged that off but one of the recent times I did kinda stand up for himself and say “well I don’t plan on losing weight” and he was just kind of like “oh”. He has made remarks that I dress tacky and that some things “aren’t meant for plus sized girls”. When we’re intimate he makes remarks that if I lost weight it would be easier, that my butts too big and I’m too fat for doggy, even though when we first started talking before dating he told me he loved my butt. That was always an insecurity of mine but he made me feel body positive for once and i started to embrace it but now all of a sudden my butts too big after he told me he was into that at first. It makes me really embarrassed about being intimate with him because I’m constantly worrying is it gonna slip out again, as it does like every minute and when it does he tells me it’s because I’m too fat and it’s just humiliating and makes me not even want to be intimate with him. With previous guys I never had issues and I’ve always been a bigger girl, but he keeps telling me it’s because of my weight and making me feel like I need to change to be good enough for him. There’s a few pics of me and how I dress which I don’t think is tacky, excuse my cringey poses in the catwalk video lmao.
Do you guys consider this bodyshaming or “advice” not delivered the best way? Have any of you guys had those same issues with intimacy because of your weight/butt? Do I look too fat? He’s also really fit which makes it more like it must be my weight. How do you deal with bodyshaming when it’s coming from an SO? Normally I’m super body positive and could care less what people say but when it’s your own SO making comments like that it hurts.
This happened yesterday. I (23F) was at a small concert with my boyfriend (24M) and his sister. This random guy who seemed to be quite drunk walked up to me, made some nonsense conversation and then straight up told me to remember to smile… I said what? First to confirm he actually said that to me and he repeated it. To which I responded (in Dutch so translated) : I am not able to smile as long as I see your face in front of me. Then I turned away from him and jokingly told my bf I was gonna stomp this guy in his lil micropenis if he was gonna tell me that again. (Just for reference I have never stomped someone so it was obviously a joke)
His response? He pulled me away from the guy, placed himself in between us and told ME to calm down.
I have to admit I had a few beers myself as well and it probably was wise of him to diffuse the situation like that. But I can’t seem to find peace with the fact that he ‘corrected’ me instead of this guy who was rude to me.
Later in the evening I asked my bf how many times in his life someone has told him to smile and he said zero of course.
Just because I have a vagina and boobs I have to smile apparently and i should not stand up for myself
It took me two nights and a bottle of wine. But after almost two years, I was finally able to get through the 20k+ pictures stored on the cloud and therefore on my phone and all devices, and remove every picture of my ex-abuser. I was with him for ten years, so it was a lot.
I moved everything to an external thumb-drive, because even though I doubt I’ll ever access the content on there again, it felt less traumatizing than deleting a decade of my life entirely. But I’ll finally be free of any unintentional reminder or even the stupid, silly fear of accessing my camera roll.
A minor accomplishment. But it feels big.